Nightmares and Midnight Snacks
by BoneyCastle237
Summary: AU after S3. Its been just over a year since Rick was shot, nearly 2 since Kate was. She lives with him now, and late one night, she discovers that she isnt the only one having nightmares and Rick isnt the only Castle that worries about her. Kate finally gets the mother daughter relationship she's been missing, even if it is a little different. Kate/Alexis, established Caskett!
1. Chapter 1

_**Right, so this is a sequel of sorts, to my other fic, **_**''Always" _you dont have to have read it to understand this one, but i would really love it if you would read it and review anyway:) Please let me know what you think about this one though, tell me if you think it is worth continuing or should be abandoned!_**

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><p>She was awake; she just didn't want to get up. She was comfortable, she was happy. This was her favourite place in the world and she would do anything for just a few more seconds in it.<p>

She was in _their_ bed, in _their_ room, in _their _loft. Something she never got tired of thinking or saying; everything was _theirs. _

So, she was in their bed, that alone made her happier than she ever thought it could, but that was not what made it her favourite place. She was snuggled into his side, his arms were wrapped tightly around her, shielding her, warming her, protecting her from everything and anything that dared to harm his love while they slept.

Her head rested on his bare chest, the top of her skull lining up against his collarbone, her ear pressed into his skin, directly over his steady heartbeat.

It was their position.

Ever since she had moved in, she had been plagued by nightmares, nightmares about everything from her own shooting to his. In these horrible dreams, it never ended well for them, and she had woken up more times than she could remember in a cold sweat, tears in her eyes, heart racing, thinking she had lost him.

Each time he had pulled her close, placed her hand or her head, whichever he could reach first, and placed it over his heart, proving to her that he was alive, that he was with her.

She had been embarrassed initially, hating herself for not having better control, but she had slowly gotten better, and the nightmares became fewer and farther between.

One night they had been up late talking, she was putting off sleep for as long as she could and he, knowing her the way he did, had sensed it and pulled her to him, putting her head over his heart and humming as she brought her hand up to trace the small scar that constantly reminded her of how close she had come to never being able to lie there.

They had fallen asleep in that position, and she had slept soundly for the first time in months. He had noticed immediately, and made sure that they slept like that every night.

That had been over eight months ago and she hadn't had a nightmare since.

So now she lay there, in 'their position' and battled with herself. She was hungry. Starving would have probably been a more accurate description, but she really didn't want to move.

She finally decided that she had to get up, if only because her stomach was making very loud grumbling sounds and she didn't want to wake him.

Placing a soft kiss over his scar she whispered quietly

"I'll be right back"

She paused before adding

"I love you"

He had heard it enough times, as had she from him, but neither of them ever tired from hearing it, or from saying it.

She carefully untangled herself from his arms, running her fingers through his hair and gently stroking his cheek when he stirred.

Slowly, she got off the bed, being careful not to shift around too much or jostle the mattress, he really needed his sleep, and they had been working very hard lately.

She shivered slightly, goose bumps flashing across her skin as the cold air swirled around her body. She longed to turn around and climb back into his warm embrace but her stomach was gurgling again so she knew that would have to wait.

She looked around their bedroom, trying to find some item of clothing she could put on. She doubted she would run into anyone at two thirty in the morning, but stranger things have happened and she did not want to deal with the consequences of either Martha or Alexis catching her in the nude.

She finally spotted his shirt lying near the doorway to his office, she smiled slightly as she remembered pulling it off him, he had been completely undressed before they had even reached the bed, she hadn't been far behind.

As she walked past the dresser, she opened the top draw and reached in, feeling around for a pair of his boxers she could wear, it was quite cold and she knew from past experience that his shirt only came down to her mid thigh.

Pulling his boxers on, she continued out of the room, grabbing his shirt off the floor on her way past, pulling it over her head as she exited his office.

She made her way through the lounge, navigating the couches easily in the dark, not stumbling or walking into a single piece of furniture, this was her home and she knew her way around it blind folded. That and Laser Tag was not played with the lights on, she either had to adapt to her surroundings or risk losing to him, which she never did.

She made it to the kitchen and just stood in the middle of it looking around. She had no idea what she wanted to eat, she had not thought it through that far, she just knew she needed something in her stomach and fast.

She opened the refridgerator, scanning the well-stocked shelves in search of something tasty. She spotted a jar of pickles wedged into the door of the fridge, in between the jam and the milk.

Pickles. That was what she really felt like.

She tried to pry the jar out of its snug little position, but it wouldn't budge. She sighed in frustration and decided on a different approach. She pulled out the jar of jam first, placing it on the counter, which then left enough room for her to easily remove the jar of pickles.

She hated pickles on a normal day, but now she was craving them like she never had before. She turned to put the pickles on the countertop, kicking the fridge shut with her foot, realising as she did that she had forgotten to put the jam back. _I'll do it when I put the pickles in_ she thought to herself as she began turning the stiff lid.

It took her a while but eventually she got it off and managed to pull one of the mini cucumbers out. She ate the first one plain, using her tongue to swipe up the bit of juice that was dribbling down her chin.

When she pulled the second pickle out of its vinegary home, she paused before she took a bite. It was lacking something; there was a certain taste she was missing.

She gave the kitchen a quick once-over; her eyes finally coming to rest on the jar of jam in front of her. Prying the lid open, she dipped the tip of her pickle into the sweet strawberry goodness.

She took a bite. It was amazing! She had never tasted anything so good. She ate nearly half the jar of pickles in that same manner before she finally stopped, hearing an odd noise coming from upstairs.

It was too late for Alexis to be awake; she wondered what on earth was going on. She abandoned her late night snack and headed towards the staircase, going into detective mode as she went to investigate the noise.

She padded quietly up the stairs, her bare feet not making a sound on the steps as she advanced. As she reached the top she stopped.

She could hear crying, coming from the teenager's bedroom. She snapped out of detective mode, there was no immediate danger and she knew the teen would need her to play mother not detective.

She knew she was not the girl's real mother, but she had come to love her partner's daughter as her own, and despite their various fall outs, she had a feeling Alexis loved her too; that and he had told her so when they had been talking one night, her head on his chest, his arms around her, their usual position.

She quietly opened the door, peering into the room. It was mostly dark except for a strip of moonlight that fell across the bed. She could see the young Castle tossing and turning, an expression of pure misery etched in her features.

Her heart broke for Alexis, and she felt a rush of tears pricking at the back of her green eyes, she hated to see her kind-of-daughter looking so upset.

She pushed the door the rest of the way open and stepped quietly inside, she could hear whimpering coming from the bed.

She closed the gap between them in seconds and knelt beside the bed. She was unsure of what to do, should she wake the girl and pull her out of the nightmare? Or should she just quietly comfort her and wait until the bad dream passed? She was spared the decision as Alexis began to moan in her sleep.

"Please don't go, please don't die we need you"

The redhead was crying, her breathing coming in short gasps, her hands clutching at something that was not in the real world.

The older woman felt her tears slip free at hearing those words.

The girl was dreaming about losing her father! The detective felt selfish now, she had had similar nightmares, she knew all to well how scary they were, she could not imagine facing them alone and thankfully she hadn't had to, she had the older Castle beside her every night. Alexis had not.

She reached out and smoothed the sleeping child's hair, making soft reassuring noises in an attempt to calm her.

She was in full-on mother mode, trying to mimic the comforting actions she remembered her own mother administering, all those many years ago.

Alexis quietened down slightly, though her body remained tense and her expression was pained.

The brunette continued softly stroking the younger girl's silky red hair and began quietly humming an old song her dad used to sing to her when she was upset or frightened.

"Please just don't die, I really need you right now"

This time the words were quieter, as if the dream was fading away. Some of the tension seemed to leave the girls body as she exhaled, sinking deeper into the mattress.

The detective wiped her face, trying to clear the tear marks off her cheeks. Since when had she been so emotional? And what was with her late night snacks and her bizarre cravings? Was it nearing the fourth of the month already?

She didn't get much more time to dwell on her possible PMS symptoms as the redhead spoke up again, the words struck the woman sitting on the floor beside the bed, leaving her completely overwhelmed and unable to think clearly.

"Just stay with us, we can't lose you now, _I_ can't lose you now, don't die Kate!"

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><p><strong><em>So just so you know, i already have the next few chapters typed up and ready to go, just gonna wait and see the response before i post, so please review!:) <em>**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Wow, thank you all so so much for the reviews and alerts and everything! it is incredible and i am so grateful for the feedback! i understand the wondering at why Alexis is dreaming about kate not her dad, but it will all be explained in a later instalment:) i am currently editing the other chapters and rewriting a few, so updates will depend on my school workload and how happy i am with the chapter, feedback is welcome!:) chapter two: _**

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><p>Kate gasped, she could not believe she had just heard her own name fall from the younger Castle's lips! Her hand stilled its movements, the tune she had been humming died in her throat.<p>

A fresh wave of tears washed over Kate as she looked down at the redhead. She never thought she could love someone as much as she loved Richard Castle, but staring down at his daughter, she realized she could, and she did.

She was suddenly very glad she had decided to put some clothes on.

She wiped the tears off her cheeks for the second time that night, wondering again at her emotional state.

Taking a moment to gather herself, Kate bent over the sleeping redhead, her hand lightly on the girls shoulder. She squeezed once, gently, not hard enough for it to be uncomfortable or painful, but enough to rouse the girl from her dreams.

"Lex, Lex wake up" Kate's voice was a loud whisper, everything was very quiet and she felt the need to keep her voice down.

'Mmmm.. hhhhmmm" Alexis slowly rolled over, sighing and murmuring to herself as she slowly woke up, when she was lying on her back, she looked up to the ceiling, wondering what had woken her.

"Kate?"

There was a genuine look of confusion on the girls face as she looked up at the detective.

"Hey Lex," Kate had woken the sleeping teen for a reason, but now that she was awake, Kate could not remember what she had wanted to say.

"Is everything ok?" the questioning tone and the confused look the young Castle was giving her, reminded Kate so much of the older Castle, which then reminded her why she had woken the girl up in the first place.

And then for the third time in one night, Kate Beckett was crying.

Alexis remained where she was, she was still half asleep, and rather confused. She was very glad the brunette was there though. She had dreamt she had lost her mother figure, and sitting on the bed next to her was comforting, even if she was crying…

She was crying?

Alexis had not seen Kate Beckett cry for a while now, not since her dad had… been in the hospital. She was the strongest woman Alexis had ever known, it was one of the reasons the girl admired her.

Finally Kate got her emotions in check, and managed to stutter out

"Lex I don't want you to be scared anymore, your dad isn't going anywhere I promise, he is going to stick around and annoy the hell out of us for a long time to come" She was trying to lighten the situation, and failing miserably.

She paused, taking a deep calming breath.

"And Lex, I'm not going anywhere either ok? I'm staying for you as long as you'll let me, I'll always be here for you, I promise."

Now it was Alexis' turn to cry.

Without thinking, Kate pulled the sobbing girl into a fierce hug, holding her tight, crushing her to her chest.

They stayed like that for some time, Alexis continued to cry, burying her face in Kate's neck as she remembered her nightmare, remembered what it felt like to think she had lost the only woman who had ever really mothered her.

Kate held the girl close, rubbing comforting circles on her back, and talking quietly, telling Alexis not to be afraid anymore, telling her she was ok, they were ok, they were going to _be_ ok.

Kate was reassuring the teen but also herself she realised, as she felt more tears make their way down her face, coming to land in amongst the red strands of hair that tickled at her chin, neither of them spoke, there would be plenty of time for that in the morning when they were more rested.

Finally Kate felt the tension slowly start to drain from the redhead's body, and felt her jaw tense up as the younger woman tried to stifle a yawn.

"Try get some sleep Lex." She gently stroked the tired girl's hair, still keeping her close, liking the way it felt.

"Will you stay with me?" She didn't mean to sound so childish and little, but she couldn't help it, she had never really had a mother growing up.

Meredith had never been there to hold Alexis when she woke up from a nightmare. Her dad had always been there for her, and she loved him for it, but there were times where she had just wanted a mommy to hold her tight.

"Until you fall asleep." Kate promised, squeezing Alexis gently before slowly getting off the bed. She softly pushed the teen's head back against the pillow, smoothing the blankets around her and tucking her in nice and tight.

When she was sure Alexis was snuggly wrapped up, she carefully lay down on the bed next to her, on top of the covers, close enough that her presence could be felt, but not too close as to smother the girl.

Lying there, the two of them were struck by how right it felt. Kate was wearing Rick's clothes and lying comforting his daughter, and it didn't feel strange at all.

Alexis couldn't agree more, she inhaled deeply, smelling the familiar scent of her dad that always made her feel safe, mingled slightly with the smell of cherries, which she had long since associated with the beautiful detective. It smelled right, it felt right, it _was_ right.

They were mostly quiet, their shallow breaths the only thing breaking the silence. Eventually Alexis fell asleep, her breathing evened out and her face relaxed as exhaustion finally overcame her.

Reluctantly, Kate got off the bed, she was beginning to get cold again and she wanted nothing more than to be back in Rick's embrace.

She bent down and touched her lips to the sleeping child's forehead whispering quietly as she did so

"Love you Lex, see you in the morning"

She turned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her, feeling very content and happy.

She walked down the stairs as silently as she could, pausing as she walked into the kitchen. She had forgotten to put away the two jars that still sat open on the counter. She tiptoed over to them to correct her mistake.

As she reached for the first lid, the lid for the pickle jar, she inhaled slightly through her nose, nearly choking as she did. The smell of pickles filled her nose, clogging her throat and making her feel sick to her stomach.

She rammed the lid on quickly and opened the fridge, all the while holding her breath and trying desperately to keep the bile from rising up her throat. When the jar was safely back in its position next to the milk, she finally risked taking a breath again.

She closed her eyes, relaxing slightly, leaning against the counter as dizziness overtook her for a few seconds, a result of holding her breath no doubt. She took a few more breaths through her mouth, willing her nausea to pass.

When her breathing was under control again, and she no longer felt like she was about to spill her guts, literally, she opened her eyes again. She looked straight ahead of her at the wall, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dimly lit room, before letting them slip down to the counter.

The jam.

She had completely forgotten to put it away in her mad rush to clear the pickles. She picked up the jar quickly, reaching for the lid simultaneously with the other hand.

Holding the jar of jam in her palm brought it closer to her face than it had previously been, allowing her to smell the strawberry scent, mixed in slightly with the pungent aroma of the pickle brine from when she had dipped her pickles into the thick red goo.

The smell caught her off guard and she could not stop the bile from rising to her mouth, she spun around as quickly as she could, making a dash for the sink. She abandoned the jar in her hand and she clamped her fingers over her mouth in an attempt to not throw up on the floor.

The glass shattered on the floor at the exact moment she reached the other side of the kitcen, her hands flying to the sides of the sink and bracing herself as she began retching the entire contents of her stomach out.

Her throat burned from the acid rushing up it, her stomach muscles ached from repeatedly contracting, trying to violently expel everything in her stomach that her body had suddenly decided to reject.

Her nose was streaming and tears filled her eyes, she couldn't breath, her body would not stop long enough for her to take a breath, just wave after wave of nausea crashing through her, making her weaker and weaker with each one.

She felt the hot tears begin to run down her face, still retching into the sink. Her knees were beginning to give out on her, the effort of keeping herself upright was becoming too much to handle. Her hand still gripped the edge of the sink, knuckles white with strain.

Just when she thought she couldn't hold herself up anymore, she felt him behind her, pressing his bare front into her back. He snaked his right arm around the front of her body, gripping her left hip, stabilising her. Using his other hand, he pulled her hair back from her eyes and pressed his palm to her forehead gently, feeling for a temperature, unsurprised when he found none.

His chin rested on her shoulder, his cheek pressed against hers, his lips at her ear. He whispered to her, quietly telling her he was there, that he had her, that it was going to be all right.

When she finally stopped retching, she leant back into him slightly, her breathing shaky and her legs unsteady. She rested her one hand on the arm around her waist and brought the other one up to cup his cheek, the one that was not touching hers.

She allowed him to slowly turn her around and pull her into a gentle embrace. He reached behind her and turned the tap on, trying to clear the sink a little, but that could wait till later.

He lead her over to the stools by the breakfast bar, sitting her down carefully on the closest one before turning to get a glass of water for her. He handed her the glass and watched her drink, a concerned look in his baby blue eyes.

She opened her mouth to say something, but she realised she had nothing to say. She could not explain why she had been sick or why she had eaten the disgusting snack in the first place.

And then she was crying again.

She loved how much he cared about her, how much he worried about her welfare, she loved being loved and looked after.

And it made her cry?

He pulled her back into his arms, just quietly rocking her slowly from side to side, gently rubbing smooth circles on her back.

"I don't know what's wrong with me!" she finally managed to choke out, as floods of tears still streamed down her face.

"Shhhh baby, nothing is wrong, everything is going to be ok"

When her tears finally subsided, Rick managed to get Kate back to bed. She was tired and still a little weepy, so put up little resistance when he lifted her into his arms and carried her all the way to their bedroom.

She snuggled into his strong, defined chest, the movement almost unconscious, her body just naturally wanting to be as close to him as possible. She buried her face in the crook of his neck as his arms gripped her tighter to him, making her feel safe, secure.

He lay her down on her side of the bed, walking around to climb in on his side, right next to her, she rolled over, her head finding its place on his chest, and his arms wrapping around her, holding them in their position.

They fell asleep the same way they always did, not knowing anything was different.

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><p><strong><em>And we'll leave it there:) please continue to review, even those who silently add alerts and such, your opinion would be greatly appreciated:) sorry for anything OOC, i read alot of fanfiction and i find myself having a hard time remembering what the characters are actually like as opposed to how they are behaving in another story i am reading. please let me know what you think, comments, concerns, mistakes, complaints, ideas and any other form of review are all welcome!:) BC. <em>**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3!:) i finally managed to get it up! sorry it took longer than i expected and i apologise for any rambling:) this is my attempt at writing Caskett but as you will see i am not very good at it. chapter two wasn't quite as well received as chapter 1, so i am sorry if that disappointed anybody, please leave a review and tell me if this is any better or how i can improve on it, ideas/suggestions/criticism all welcome!:) _**

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><p>When she opened her eyes in the morning, the first thing she saw was the sun shining through the curtains and straight into her eyes. Groaning, she rolled over, burying her face in the pillow<p>

"Mmm, good morning." She felt him tighten his grip around her, pulling her closer to his chest, his velvety voice breaking through her sleepy haze.

Scrunching her eyes up against the sunlight that seemed determined to blind her, she stretched her neck upwards, her lips coming in contact with the smooth skin under his jaw.

"Morning" just one simple word, but he loved hearing it, he loved that it was the first thing he heard every morning, and the first thing she said.

He loved starting the day with her in his arms because it meant that he had ended the previous one like that.

"How are you feeling?" she didn't have to look at him to know how concerned he was, she could hear it in his voice.

"Great" she said it absentmindedly, her hand coming up to trace the planes of his chest as if everything was normal and last night had never happened.

"Kate.." she hated hearing that tone, she kept her eyes focused on her hand, which was now slowly circling the scar over his heart, deliberately not looking into his eyes, knowing the hurt she would see in the perfect blue orbs, the hurt that took up residence there whenever she tried to hide something from him.

He sighed, defeated.

Scooting up so that her head lay next to his on the pillow, she placed her hand on his cheek, forcing herself to look him in the eye.

"Rick I'm fine, just tired, and…" She trailed off, she wasn't sure it was her place to mention Alexis's nightmare and the moment that had followed it.

He was looking at her intently, waiting for the rest of her sentence, daring her to lie to him, because he would know if she was lying, he knew her that well.

Deciding she couldn't lie to him, if only because she couldn't bear to see that hurt in his eyes when she did, she told him the truth

"And I spoke to Alexis last night, it just.. made me all weird I guess." She looked deep into his eyes, green meeting blue, showing him beyond a shadow of a doubt, she was telling the truth.

Normally he would have pushed, asked what they had talked about, wanted to know what was going on, but he could see she wasn't going to offer up anything more, and he trusted her the way he never had anyone else when it came to his daughter. He knew that Alexis needed someone to talk to besides him, and he was over the moon that she had come to trust in Kate the way he had hoped.

So he let it go.

"Okay" was all he said, leaning towards her slightly to lightly brush his lips over hers, smirking at the way she shivered under his touch.

"I have a meeting with Gina in about an hour, just finalising a few things before the book comes out.. Are you gonna be ok here?" _after what happened last night?_ He didn't have to say it; she heard it loud and clear.

He was very loudly not asking her what had brought on the previous night's sickness, and if she needed him to stay home with her. Because they both knew he would if she so much as hinted at it.

"I'm fine," She said, her tone a little harsher than she intended. She really just wanted to forget about the whole ordeal, it had been completely random and out of the blue and she felt fine this morning. She was overworked and overtired, and now it was Sunday and she could rest and sleep it off.

She softened her eyes and her voice when she repeated,

"Really Rick I'm fine" Before pressing her lips against his, with a little more enthusiasm than he had shown.

The kiss grew rapidly heated, her hands finding their way into his hair as he moved to hover over her, his bare chest pressing into her, her shirt riding up slightly as his hands roamed her back, leaving a burning trail in their wake.

Their tongues battled for dominance as they always did, each giving as good as they got. He finally broke it off, when the need for air was starting to make them both lightheaded, rolling back onto his back and pulling her with him, coming to rest right back where they had started; in their position.

"I have to go!" he groaned while trying to gather his thoughts, something she was making increasingly difficult as her hands slipped lower and lower down his chest.

His breath caught in his throat as her hand started zigzagging down his abs, still creeping lower and lower, he knew he had to move if he wanted to make his meeting on time. But she was driving him crazy as she always did.

Stilling her hand as it reached his left hipbone, he gave her a quick peck on the mouth before sliding his arms out from under her and rolling off the bed, heading to the bathroom to take a shower, definitely cold, and get changed.

As much as he hated to leave the vision of beauty that was Kate Beckett, alone on his bed, he was reassured by the fact that he would be home in less than two hours and then they would have the whole day together, doing whatever they wanted.

While she desperately wanted him to turn around and get back into bed with her, she knew he had to go, it was that or Gina would come by the loft, and then they would all be sorry.

Still, it wasn't that she was jealous, because she wasn't, but she didn't like the idea of the blonde being around Rick when Kate wasn't with him, who knows what she might try, she was surely regretting divorcing him, what woman in their right mind would not want Richard Castle, the most amazing man in the world, but he was _hers_ a fact she would bet Gina would be willing to overlook.

So she wasn't jealous, she just did not like Gina being alone with _her_ man.

Kate was also just the slightest bit relieved she was going to have a few hours to herself, there were some things she had to do.

First, and most importantly, she had to talk to Alexis. She felt an overwhelming urge to check on her, make sure she was ok, despite the fact that she was nineteen and perfectly capable of looking after herself.

Kate felt like a mother to the young redhead, and if the previous night was anything to go by, Alexis regarded Kate as a motherly figure. So it was only natural for Kate to be worried and concerned about her, it was perfectly normal to want to talk to her.

She completely lost her train of thought when she heard the bathroom door reopen. Rick had already finished his shower and was moving through the room to get changed

She openly stared at him, something he had done to her too many times to count. She raked her eyes over his entire frame, starting with his beautiful blue eyes, which briefly flickered to her own green ones as he exited the bathroom. She was struck by how much emotion he was able to convey with those baby blue orbs, how much emotion she was able to read in them.

They were so in synch with each other, something she constantly feigned annoyance at, but secretly loved. There was no one else in the world that knew her the way he did, there was no one who knew him like her.

She caught a glimpse of his face as he turned around to search for his shirt. He flashed her a smile, but not just any smile, it was the smile he saved just for her. His beautiful eyes crinkled at the corners and sparkled a little brighter than usual.

She didn't think it was possible, but every time she saw that smile, she fell even more in love with him.

She slid her eyes over his back, remembering how the soft skin felt under her hand, how impressively hard those muscles could get when tensed. She sighed as he pulled his shirt on, turning to face her as he did up the buttons.

Her gaze unconsciously slipped down to the bullet wound over his heart, an exact replica of her own, one more thing they had in common, one more thing that made them _them_.

When he was fully dressed, he sat down on his side of the bed to put on his shoes. Neither of them spoke, they were just happy to be in each other's company.

She kept her eyes focused on him as he started putting on his shoes, but her thoughts were drifting.

She was completely happy right where she was, she had nothing to daydream about, she was living the dream. Going to bed with him every night and waking up with him every morning, and being together in between that was all she could ever ask for and more.

She used to be 100% focused on her job, it was her life and what she did outside of work was simply survive until a new case came along. She never took a day off unless it was absolutely necessary or she had been ordered home, which had happened on numerous occasions.

Now she found herself not minding being at home, in fact, she often looked forward to the days where she could stay at the loft and stay in bed all day, with him obviously. She had finally found a healthy balance between her work and her social life and it was thanks in no small part to him.

So she was not day dreaming, just thinking.

Her thought drifted back to Alexis. Although she hated that he had to leave, if only for a couple of hours, she really wanted to talk to Alexis and it would be a lot easier to do without him there.

"I'll see you later then, I love you." He was leaning over, pressing his lips to hers gently, lovingly. Somehow while she had been wrapped up in her thoughts, he had put on his shoes and was ready to go.

"I love you too," It was almost a whisper, but he was so close she was sure he heard it. She watched him leave the room, a familiar feeling of sadness briefly overcame her, as it did every time he walked away from her.

Ever since his shooting, she had an irrational fear of being separated from him, that he would walk away from her and never come back. It was silly and the feeling passed after only a few seconds.

She lay in bed for a few more minutes before finally kicking the covers off and swinging her legs over the side.

She stood up slowly, despite every thing she had said, she was still weary of the nausea that had attacked her the previous night and she really didn't want it making a second appearance.

She felt slightly sick, but that was probably due to the fact that it had been ages since she last had a cup of coffee.

She pulled off his shirt, and kicked his boxers off to one side, immediately missing the smell of him that had surrounded her, hidden in his clothes. She turned towards the bathroom and headed for the shower.

She turned the hot water on and closed her eyes as the warmth rained down onto her arm, she paused, waiting a few seconds before turning on the cold tap to keep the heat from burning her.

She stepped under the spray and let it wash over her, careful to keep her hair from getting wet, she had already washed it and she did not want to have to blow dry it when she got out.

She reached for the shower gel, squeezing a generous amount into her hand before working it into a lather and rubbing it over her body.

Her breasts felt tender and she made a mental note to check the date, it was definitely approaching the fourth of the month, she could tell. She usually kept track, but she had won a bet with Rick a few weeks earlier that had him doing her paperwork for the next month, so she hadn't had to date anything recently.

She rinsed off the soap and shut off the water, wrapping a towel around herself before walking through to the bedroom.

Other than talking to Alexis, she planned to spend the day relaxing with the girl and her father, like a proper family. She pulled a tank top over her head, and traded in her skinny jean in favour of her comfy yoga pants. She kept her feet bare, liking the feel of the soft carpet between her toes.

She checked herself in the mirror, out of habit, making sure she looked presentable, it was only Alexis, but she felt as if she had to set an example for the girl, and she didn't want to walk around looking like a mess.

She took a breath and then slipped through his office and into the lounge. She was unsurprised to find the redhead sitting on the couch, what did surprise her was the girl's appearace, she looked uneasy, her hands twisting and knotting in her lap, her eyes cast firmly downward.

Alexis did not seem to have noticed Kate, so the detective made her presence known with a soft

"Hey Lex."

Kate couldn't explain the look she saw in the young Castle's eyes, but she could tell that something besides the dream had been bothering the girl.

Kate sat down next to the child on the couch, pulling her a little bit closer, holding her hands in her own, forcing herself to look into those blue eyes, the spitting image of her father's, the very same eyes that had dragged the detective back into the world when nothing and no one else could, the day she thought she would never see _his _eyes open again.

She would do anything for those eyes, anything to erase the worry and fear she could see in them, anything to make them sparkle as brightly as they normally did, as her father's did.

She took a breath and prepared to speak, it was going to be a long talk.

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><p><strong><em>And end chapter, i have the next one semi typed up, but ideas are still welcome if there is anything anyone would like to see in future chapters:) next chapter will be a Kate and Alexis moment and then chapter 5 we will find out what is going on with Kate. i will get them up as fast as i can,PLEASE REVIEWW so i know what you all think of it!:) BC<em>**


	4. Chapter 4

_**So i was originally not going to update till Saturday, but i got a review this morning from an anon. and i decided to post early, (thats what reviews do to me, just saying) this chapter was supposed to cover more, but i sat down to write it and an hour later i had nearly 5000words. so i have split it into two and the next chapter will be up by the weekend:)**_

_**Also i dont own castle. **  
><em>

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><p><em>She took a breath and prepared to speak, it was going to be a long talk.<em>

Kate released the breath she had taken when she realized she really had no idea what to say. She didn't know what she could say that would make it better, what would take that look out of the young girl's eyes. She opened her mouth and then closed it again, struggling to find the right words.

Alexis beat her to it.

"Kate I'm so sorry! I'm sorry you came in last night, I don't things to be weird between us, and I don't want you to leave coz I kind of love having you around and I know it would crush dad if you left because he is so in love with you and I don't want you to go just because I am having bad dreams, please don't go, I'm sorry." The girl was rambling, clearly trying to get it all out.

Her entire little monologue had been spoken to the couch cushions, which was where she had her gaze fixed. When she had finished, she finally brought her tear-filled eyes up, finding Kate's green ones trained on her face.

Kate had tried to follow the girls train of thought, tried to understand what had lead her to believe Kate would leave after what had happened last night. If anything, Kate wanted to be closer to the girl, wanted to be there for her, be able to reassure her whenever she could.

That was what she should have said to the frightened girl sitting before her, instead all that came out was

"Why Lex?" _Well that was stupid! Why what? _She mentally scolded herself.

"Why was it about me? Why not your dad?"

It was a valid question, as much as she thought the teen loved her and thought of her as a mother, it was nothing to how much she loved her father. Why had she not dreamt of losing him? Why had she been more scared for Kate's life?

Alexis seemed to understand. She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes, causing her tears to spill over. Kate reached out and pulled the crying redhead towards her, leaning back against the arm of the couch and pulling the girl's head down to rest on her chest, her ear to Kate's scar, over her heart.

It was a new spin on an old position. It felt right to Kate that she was able to do for his daughter what he always did for her.

Kate was still holding both of Alexis's hands in one of her own, rubbing soothing circles over one of the girls knuckles with her thumb, her other hand stroked the girl's hair.

"Coz I was there." Alexis finally whispered her answer to Kate's question.

"I was there when you got shot, I watched you fall and I saw my dad leaning over you, begging you not to die. And I remember being at the hospital; I heard that you died twice in the ambulance on the way there, and my dad… I've never seen him look so broken. And then that summer afterwards, it was like you really had died. Dad hardly ever smiled, and he never laughed. He threw himself into work at the precinct but everyone could see he wasn't happy. It felt like he was slowly dying too…"

Alexis paused, the memory of those three months after Kate's shooting washed over her, the broken look on her dad's face at the end of each day that passed without so much as a text from the beautiful detective.

She cried for a good few minutes, letting all the tears she had kept pent up finally break free. She buried her head in Kate's chest, covering the front of the detective's tank top with her salty tears, completely oblivious to the tears raining down on her head, the tears that were flowing fast down Kate's face.

Kate felt the guilt stab her like a knife. She knew it had been hard for him after her shooting but she had needed to get away, rebuild her walls, put some distance between them. She knew it had hurt him, he had told her as much that day on the swings, but Kate hadn't given a single thought as to what it would have done to Alexis.

Her heart broke at the teen's admissions, and she lost control over all the tears she had been trying to hold back. Crying hard even as Alexis sobbed into her chest.

"I hated you that summer." The girl whispered harshly, a hint of anger in her hushed voice.

Kate had expected as much, in Alexis's position, she would also hate herself for doing that to her dad, but the words still sung a little.

Alexis gently squeezed Kate's hand, silently telling her that her feelings had since changed, that she no longer hated the older woman.

"When you were gone, it felt like I lost my dad. That's something I never want to feel again." She said it softly; her voice no louder than a whisper, but Kate heard it.

Her last sentence hung in the air silently. Neither of them spoke for a time, both remained silent, trying to catch their breath, trying to stop the tears.

It was Alexis again who broke the silence.

"When dad was shot, I have never been so scared. I couldn't even imagine losing him. I don't know what I would have done. But I wasn't allowed to see him, I got to see him after surgery, when he was all clean and bandaged, and even though he was in pain, it was a different pain, it was nothing compared to what he was like after you got shot.."

She trailed off, realizing that might hit a nerve for Kate. The girl was effectively saying that by not calling Rick, Kate had put him in worse pain than even a bullet to the heart could cause.

It hurt, but Kate needed to hear it, as she was sure Alexis needed to get it off her chest.

"I wasn't there when my dad was shot, but I watched you die that day in the cemetery, and then I watched my dad die when you didn't call, and that's what the dreams are always about, you leaving us and then my dad leaving me!"

Alexis shuddered at the memory and broke into a fresh wave of tears. She was done. She had nothing left to say, it was Kate's turn.

Unfortunately, Kate was still beyond words, her emotions were all over the place and hearing the young Castle crying brought tears to her own eyes. The truth of the girl's words hailed down on the detective, she realized how involved she really was in the Castle family, and how much they all relied on each other for their happiness.

She finally found her tongue, and was able to croak out a response.

"Lex I promise you, I will always come home to you, and your dad, there is nowhere on earth I would rather be than here with you guys. Your dad loves you more than anything ok, no matter what happens he is always gonna be there for you, and so am I."

She paused, taking another breath before quietly whispering.

"I love you Lex."

"I love you too Kate."

The teen's response came almost immediately, no pause, no hesitation.

They lay there for a while, comforting each other, being there for each other. I reminded Kate of the day so long ago when they had done much the same, while waiting to hear if the most important man in both of their lives was going to be ok.

She loved how right it felt, to be sitting on the couch, reassuring his daughter as if she were her own, something she wanted more than anything. She wished she was the girl's mother, that she had always been there for the redhead, and her father. She hated all the time she wasted in other relationships, time she could have spent with him and his family.

She hated that it had taken her so long to realise what she really wanted; this. This family, this moment, this life.

When their breathing returned to normal, and the tears finally stopped, Kate sat up slightly, while still keeping Alexis close. She brought them into a sitting position, with both their backs against the back of the couch, their legs half tucked under themselves. Kate still held both of Alexis's hands in her left palm, while her right arm wound itself around the girl's shoulders, her hand gripping her elbow.

Alexis leaned her weight against Kate, who was more than happy to hold them both up.

After a few more minutes silence, Kate decided a change of mood was required.

"How bout we watch some tv?"

Alexis nodded and snuggled closer to Kate, freeing her left hand from Kate's grip and pushing her arm behind the detective, looping it round to meet her other hand so her arms were circled around the older woman's slim waist.

Kate reached for the remote and turned on the TV, surfing through the channels before settling on one of the Twilight movies. She had no idea which one it was, but she had seen all four of the books up on the bookshelf and she was sure Rick hadn't read them, well she hoped anyway, so she thought it would be something Alexis would want to watch.

Kate was quite happy to sit through an hour of vampires and werewolves, so long as she was close to Alexis.

_When did I start being so clingy?_ She mentally shook herself. When had she suddenly developed all these maternal feelings? _Check the date._ She reminded herself of the other thing she had to do that day, but she was with Alexis, she was enjoying their little moment and couldn't bring herself to leave, she would do it later.

When the movie finally ended, the credits rolled and then it cut to commercial. Neither of them made to get up.

Kate glanced at her watch, which she put on along with the necklace before leaving the bedroom, and saw that it had been an hour and a half since Rick had left, he would be home any minute now. She smiled because she knew he would be ecstatic to come home and find "his girls" cuddled up together on the couch.

She was imagining Rick coming in and joining them for a movie marathon, any movie would do, and she would finally have that family moment she had been craving, when her stomach rumbled loudly.

"Sorry," she gave Alexis an apologetic smile "haven't had a chance to eat yet."

The smile Alexis returned her reminded Kate so much of her father, the way the girl's eyes lit up and her eyebrows lifted just a fraction.

"I haven't eaten either, we can make brunch together?"

Yup, she had definitely been raised by Richard Castle, she had the puppy dog eyes down pat. Kate had to fight to restrain the eye-roll she would normally have given that look, sensing that it would not be well received by the teen.

She replied instead with

"Of course we can Lex."

Anyone looking in on them would have seen nothing out of the ordinary. To an outsider, it would simply look like mother and daughter making a late Sunday breakfast.

The two talked about nothing and everything, the conversation flowing freely as they cooked. It was not surprising that they worked well together, frying eggs and bacon side by side at the stove, occasionally glancing at TV, which was now showing trailers for the latest release movies.

One trailer in particular seemed to grab Alexis's attention. The star was an actor Kate recognised from the Twilight movie they had just watched. It didn't look like a terrible film.

The preview ended with the voice over announcing the date of release for the movie, the seventh of July, and Kate turned to Alexis, floored once again by how much like her father the girl was, practically jumping with excitement.

"We can go see that if you want Lex? I'll take you when it comes out."

It really didn't look all that bad, and it would mean she got to spend more time with Alexis which she was feeling very compelled to do at the moment.

"We could go tomorrow?" Alexis looked at Kate, a questioning tone to her voice.

Kate shook her head, the movement strangely causing a wave of nausea to pass through her. She waited for a second for it to subside before she spoke again.

"It hasn't come out yet Lex, its only being released on the 7th" she paused, the nagging feeling in her tummy returning for a split second.

"We'll go when it comes out though I promise" Kate smiled, but she was starting to feel ill, the smell of the eggs and the oily bacon felt very thick around her.

Alexis shot Kate a confused look.

"It came out two days ago… today's the 9th Kate."

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><p><strong><em>So we'll leave it there:) the next chapter is typed and ready to go, but if you have an idea or suggestion or anything you want to see in the next chapter, let me know and i will try add it in:) Please Please PLEASEEE review, it really does inspire me to write and update quicker! so... REVIEW~!(:<em>**


	5. Chapter 5

**_And so the next chapter picks up right exactly where the last one left off. _**

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><p>Kate's stomach dropped. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. It wasn't the 9th already! It couldn't have passed the 4th! It just wasn't possible. Kate's period had never been late a day in her life. Not with all the drinking she did in college, or all the stress she went through with her mother's death. Not even the trauma her own body had suffered after her shooting had disrupted her cycle.<p>

"Kate are you ok? You're looking a bit pale." Kate's eyes snapped up to meet the younger girl's, seeing only concern in the deep blue irises.

Ever the responsible one, Alexis turned off both the stove plates they had been using to cook and lead Kate over to a stool, gently pushing her down on one. She moved to get a drink of water, pressing the cool glass into the detective's clammy hand.

As soon as the icy water hit the back of her throat, Kate felt the bile rise up from her stomach.

She launched herself across the kitchen, towards the sink again, this time keeping a firm hold on the glass in her hand, she would not drop it with Alexis so close by. She didn't want her to get cut by accident.

By the time she reached the sink, all the water had spilt out of the glass and drenched Kate's front. She felt Alexis's arm around her waist, holding her tightly, ready to catch her, should she collapse. Kate new that if she did pass out, Alexis would be too small to hold her up, but she was thankful nonetheless, the weight of the arm around her hips was the only thing keeping her grounded.

She dropped the glass into the sink, bracing her hands on either side of it as she had done the night before. Her head was spinning and she had to remind herself to breathe, she could faintly hear Alexis talking to her, but her voice sounded a million miles away.

She stood there for a while, letting the nausea crash through her, her eyes slipped shut and she concentrated on getting air into her lungs.

After coughing a few times, she soon realised she had nothing left to throw up, her stomach had emptied itself the night before and she had nothing left.

Her mind was still reeling, _it cannot be the 9__th__, it cant be, its not possible! _She repeated it over and over, as if hoping that if she said it enough times, it would be true.

She gasped as she pieced everything together, the mood swings, the crying last night and this morning, the cravings and nausea last night and this morning,

_No!_

She finally found something in her stomach she could throw up. Her throat was on fire and she felt the hot tears running down her face again.

Gasping for air, she turned and slid down the cabinets, coming to rest on the floor, slipping out of Alexis's arm. She put her head between her knees, her tears dripping into a puddle on the floor between her feet.

The floor was sticky, some one, probably Rick, had wiped up the jam she had dropped last night, but there was still a thin layer of sticky residue coating the tiles.

She felt Alexis sit down next to her and put her arm on her shoulder.

"Kate what's wrong?"

Kate could hear the panic in the teen's voice. Alexis was not used to seeing this side of Kate, it was scaring her a little bit.

_No! No! No! I can't be! _She was trying to count back; trying to remember the last time she had been unreasonably snappy at the precinct or had bitten someone's head off over nothing.

She couldn't think over the buzzing in her head, how had she not realised sooner?

She was so focused on her counting she didn't hear the front door open. She didn't see the look on Rick's face as he took in the scene on the kitchen floor. Her eyes were squeezed shut with concentration, her whole body was stiff, every muscle tensed.

She didn't see Rick rush over and kneel beside her, sandwiching her between two Castles, _her _Castles. She didn't feel him put his arms around her and pull her into his lap, Alexis's arm falling from around Kate's shoulders, slipping to grip Kate's hand in her own, squeezing lightly, letting Kate know she was there.

Kate was finally jolted out of her thoughts when she felt his lips softly brush against the top of her head. Her green eyes snapped open, seeing straight into a pair of beautiful blues.

She tried to convey with her eyes what was going on, showing all her fear and uncertainty through the flood of tears that were pouring out. But she was only met with confusion. They were the wrong eyes. These blue eyes loved her but they did not understand her, they lacked the connection.

She squeezed her eyes shut again, her free hand finding its way down to her flat tummy. She strained to feel anything at all, any slight bump or extra bit of weight she hadn't noticed.

She lost herself for a moment before slowly opening her eyes, he had shifted her sideways so he could look at her face.

This time green met two sets of blues, both showing a mixture of concern and love, both trying to understand what was happening.

Green met blue, the right blue, he could see the worry in Kate's beautiful emerald orbs, he could see the wonder, and the pure, unadulterated fear.

He tried to console her, to make her feel better, anything! He didn't understand what was happening. He wanted so much for her to just talk to him, tell him definitely what her eyes couldn't say, tell him what was wrong so he could fix it.

It didn't even cross his mind that it may be something he couldn't fix.

She closed her eyes again and started muttering to herself, thinking aloud because the noise in her head was making it impossible to keep her thoughts in order.

He could see his daughter wanted to say something, she wanted to ask what was wrong, what she had done, what she could do. He gently put his hand on her knee, shaking his head when he had her attention, telling her now was not the time to say anything.

He hated this. He hated that he just had to wait it out, wait for her to work through it on her own, wait for her to understand and accept whatever was going on, wait for her to let him in.

He hated that she kept him on the outside, that she did everything on her own, he wanted to help her, he wanted them to work through whatever it was _together_. For the first time since his shooting, he saw her wall going back up, and he was on the wrong side of it.

But he loved her, more than anything else, so as much as he hated to, he would wait if that was what she needed.

_No! This is not possible! How could this have happened?_ Kate was way passed freaking out.

She had been through it, all the dates, all her recent eating habits, all the random mood swings, and her increased sexual appetite, she blushed slightly at the last one before remembering no one could hear her thoughts.

Nothing else made sense, but at the same time, neither did her answer.

She could feel herself on the verge of a panic attack, it was getting harder and harder to breath. She opened her eyes, and green met blue instantly. There was something about looking deep into his eyes that always calmed her. The love she always found there, even when they were having a fight, gave her the feeling that she could do anything as long as she had him.

This time would be no different. Looking deep into his eyes she was able to get his breathing under control and stop any further tears from falling.

In the time it had taken her to get herself under control, he had worked it out. His eyes locked on hers, he had witnessed the panic and fear in her eyes. Adding in her behaviour over the last two days and her reaction at the moment, he had pieced it all together.

He had worked it out. She could tell. Of course he had, he could read her like an open book. He knew her better than she knew himself, he understood her better than anyone else, so of course he realised what was going on.

"Are you…?" he trailed off, he couldn't say it, there was still a chance he had gotten the complete wrong idea, jumped to the wrong conclusion, it was unlikely, but possible.

Kate couldn't find her voice, her mouth wouldn't form the words she needed to say.

She slowly nodded her head, keeping her eyes fixed on his, watching his reaction, trying to see what he was thinking.

"Are you what?"

Kate jumped, she had nearly forgotten the teen was there, and that she had not been privy to their silent conversation.

She could hear the worry and fear in the girl's voice and she was touched by how concerned the redhead was for her.

She dropped her eyes to the floor, severing her connection with him, as tears clouded her vision. She hated crying in front of him, and she especially hated crying in front of Alexis. She was supposed to be strong, able to handle everything. But nothing had prepared her for this moment.

She could feel Alexis hovering very close by, desperate to be a part of whatever was going on, desperate to know what the secret was.

She finally found her voice and was able to croak out a response

"Pregnant."

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><p><strong><em>So there it is, i have not even started on the next chapter yet, so if anyone has any ideas, they are most welcome:) i will hopefully have chapter 6 up by wednesday:) there will be plenty more alexiskate moments, and lots of caskett:) PLEASE REVIEWW it helps me write faster:)_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Here is chapter 6!:) PLEASE READ AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END, ***VERY IMPORTANT*** also sorry if this one rambles for too long:P review:) _**

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><p>No one spoke. No one moved. They were three silent statues, frozen in time on the sticky kitchen floor.<p>

She was terrified. He was ecstatic.

She was frightened of being a mother, of failing at it, of letting him down.

He couldn't wait to hold their baby in his arms; the tiny human that would be equal parts him and her.

She was scared for the future. He was looking forward to it. The silence was broken.

"Are you sure?"

It was the teen who recovered first.

"I mean, you can't know for sure until you take a test right? You could be wrong?"

Both the adults turned to look at her, seeing the truth in her words. They _could_ be wrong. It was highly unlikely but not entirely impossible.

They needed to know for sure before they did anything else. They couldn't get attached to the idea if it turned out to be a false alarm.

"Kate…?" he looked down at her, his question in his eyes.

They had to know for certain.

Swallowing her fear, she nodded her head. She gently pushed herself up off his lap, waiting while he stood up.

He wrapped her into a hug, placing a kiss on top of her head.

"I'll be right back," he whispered quietly to her, squeezing her gently before releasing her and heading towards the door.

She slid down against the counter, coming to rest back where she had started, on the floor, next to Alexis who hadn't moved.

"Its gonna be ok Kate" the redhead reassured her.

She almost laughed. Just minutes ago it had been Kate reassuring Alexis. It was amazing how things could change in no time at all.

She just nodded as she felt the teen take her hand. Despite herself, she squeezed it once, she was glad she didn't have to be alone.

Alexis rested her head on Kate's shoulder; Kate rested her cheek on Alexis's head.

Neither said another word, they just sat and waited.

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><p>It was a good thing he had an enormous bathroom. Most apartments in New York had much smaller bathrooms, which would not have been able to comfortably fit the three people who were currently crammed into his.<p>

It had taken Rick less than twenty minutes to run the two blocks to the nearest drug store, buy the first home pregnancy test he saw, and sprint all the way home, not even bothering to wait for his change.

He had burst through the door to find his love and his daughter in exactly the same spot he had left them, huddled on the kitchen floor clinging to each other's hands.

Kate had been deep in thought, thinking about what it would be like to be a mother. If she was being honest with herself, she was scared witless!

She had spent over ten years of her life hiding behind a massive wall, never letting anyone in, never letting herself out. Then Rick had come along and showed her that she could be loved, that she was worthy of love. It had taken a ridiculous amount of near death encounters, and both of them actually dying, for her to finally let him in.

She had spent so much of her life hiding from everything, shielding herself from the pain she knew the world could inflict upon her. She was scared because she didn't know anything else, and she didn't want to raise a child like that.

She still had those walls; they were still up and strong as ever. The only difference was that she was not alone now, she had managed to let not only him in, but his daughter as well, and Javi and Kevin, and Lanie. She had opened her heart to the man loved and the rest of them had followed him in, not that she was complaining.

It had been hard for her, to let so many people through her armour, but she had done it, she had him and he had helped her do it.

She was sure that was all she could take, that her heart was full. She wasn't sure she had any love left to give. She loved Rick and Alexis with every fibre of her being; they were the centres of her world, the most important things in her life.

What if a new baby threw it all out of whack? What if it messed up the balance she had in her life? What if she couldn't love it as much as she loved the family she already had?

What if she loved it more?

These were the thoughts Rick pulled her from when he walked through the door.

He had held his hand out to her and pulled her to her feet, she had, in turn, pulled Alexis up, keeping their hands firmly clasped, they were a family, they were all going to find out together and deal with it together, no matter what.

She had been glad for something to do, taking the box from him and going into the bathroom, she was actively doing something. But now there was nothing to do but wait. They joined her in the bathroom and thats where they were, all three of them together, sitting on the bathroom floor.

Waiting.

"What if I am?" Kate's eyes were wide. She couldn't take the silence that had descended; she hated not knowing what they were thinking.

She flicked her gaze between the Castles, waiting for one of them to answer, she didn't even care who, she just needed someone to say something, anything, she needed someone to break the silence.

No one did. No one knew what to say.

They were leaning against the bathtub, she was sitting opposite them leaning against the counter. He reached out and wrapped his hand around her calf, gently pulling her towards them and spinning her, until she too was leaning against the bath, Rick on one side of her, Alexis on the other.

There was so much he wanted to say, but he didn't. He kept his opinions to himself. He was unbelievably excited. He loved Kate more than he had loved any other woman. More than he had loved Meredith or Gina or even Kyra. He loved her so very much and the thought of raising _their_ baby with her sent him over the moon.

But he wouldn't tell her that.

He didn't want her to feel obliged to feel the same. He wanted to know how she genuinely felt about having a baby with him before he told her how ecstatic he was. Because he knew that as much as he loved her, she loved him, and she would do anything to make him happy. If he said he wanted a baby, she would say it too; she would lie to him because she loved him.

"We'll be ok"

That was safe. That was not forcing his opinion, that was reassuring the woman that he loved.

"What if I can't do this?" She wasn't kidding, she was genuinely afraid and he could sense it.

He turned to look her straight in the eyes before saying

"You are Katherine Beckett. You are smart, sexy, funny, drop-dead gorgeous and amazing in every way possible. You can do anything."

She could hear the sincerity in his voice, could hear that he truly meant every word. She loved how he could make her feel like that, like she _could_ do anything, like she was invincible. She wasn't obviously, and she had the scars to prove it, but he made her feel like she was.

She could feel Alexis nodding against her shoulder, silently agreeing with what her father was saying.

Kate squeezed the girl's hand, thinking again how amazing the young redhead was. She thought about the girl's childhood, how she had grown up basically without a mother, but how she had turned out to be an amazing young woman anyway.

Although she didn't show it, Kate suspected that it had taken a toll on Alexis, made her feel unwanted or abandoned. She swore that no matter what happened, whether there was a new baby or not, she would always be there for Alexis.

She rested her head on Rick's shoulder, trying to work out what he was thinking. She was so good at reading him, understanding his thoughts, the same way he did hers. But right now she was stumped.

She hated not knowing how he felt about it, and she hated that he wasn't saying anything. In the five years she had known him, the man never shut up for more than a minute unless bribed, ordered or threatened with his life. And now he was sitting next to her, on the bathroom floor, not saying a word.

That scared her more than anything else.

He had done it all before, he'd had a child, a beautiful daughter, and he had raised her on his own. He wouldn't want to do it all again with her. He wouldn't want another baby just when his first was all grown up and leaving home would he?

It was killing her not knowing.

"Tell me what you're thinking." She whispered quietly, suddenly not so eager to break the peaceful atmosphere.

He turned his head and lightly kissed the top of her hair, breathing in the smell of cherries and Kate.

"I don't know what to think. You?"

He was playing it safe. Waiting for her to take the lead as always. She was slightly annoyed.

"I'm scared" her voice was barely a whisper, but he heard, he understood.

"I know" was all he had to offer her. Not easing her fears in he slightest.

Of course he knew she was scared. He knew her. She had to tell him something he didn't know.

"I'm happy though?" She said it almost like a question, keeping her eyes locked on him, trying to see his reaction.

That had caught him off guard. She felt him tense up beside her.

He turned his whole body to face her straight on, his blue eyes focusing straight on her green ones.

He was elated, for lack of a better word. She could see how absolutely ecstatic he was, it was written all over his face and shining through his eyes.

He was completely overjoyed and he couldn't hide it from her if he tried. He wanted a baby with her.

He who had done the midnight feedings and the early morning wake ups. Had been through playgroup and kindergarten and the first day of school. He who had dealt with the sore throats and runny noses, packed the lunches and wiped away the tears.

He who had done it all before, wanted to do it all over again, _with her_.

The joy spilling from his eyes and the smile splitting his face was infectious. It left them both grinning like idiots, wrapped up in their own little world.

She could do this. She could be a mother. She could make room in her heart for her own child and still love Rick and Alexis just as much. She could do it because she had him, and he had her, and they could do anything together.

Her fears were by no means gone, they were just below the surface for now, momentarily soothed by the look in his eyes, the smile on his face. She would worry about them later. She was enjoying the moment.

Alexis sat still next to Kate. She refused to let herself feel anything before they knew for sure. She didn't want to get excited only to be disappointed if it turned out not to be true. She didn't even know if she wanted to be excited.

She had always wanted a little brother or sister, ever since she could remember. Growing up alone and having her dad all to herself had been fun and she wouldn't trade any of their memories for the world, but there were times she wished she had someone to share it with, someone to look after, someone to fight with, someone to play with.

Now she was all grown up and leaving for college, leaving behind her life, her home, her family. She always imagined what it would be like on her last day, saying goodbye to everyone. She imagined the tears that would come, from her, her dad, and she hoped, Kate.

What if they didn't miss her when she left? What if they were so busy with the new baby, they didn't even notice she was gone? A part of her was glad, that her dad would be ok, would have something to do and would miss her too much. But at the same time, she couldn't help but feel she was being replaced, by the sibling she had always wanted and now would hardly ever get to see.

She didn't know if she was happy about it or not, and she didn't want to think about it.

Not until they knew for sure.

"Its been fifteen minutes"

Alexis startled them out of their silence, bringing them back to reality.

None of them moved.

They had to know, they had to be certain because it was driving them all mad, the wondering, the imagining, the fantasising, they had to know.

Kate stood, pulling her Castles to their feet, gripping one of each of their hands in her own, she stepped towards the sink.

She had left the little white stick on the counter beside the sink, laying face down, standing out against the brown tiles.

She was nervous, they all were. That little stick had complete control over all their futures, whether it showed one little pink line or two would make all the difference.

She felt him let go of her hand, moving instead to snake his arm around her waist, pressing her body into his side, leaving her hand free so she could pick the test up.

She reached out to it, her hand shaking just a little. She felt Alexis's grip tighten on her other hand, even as Rick's fingers gently squeezed her hip.

She flipped the test over and let out the breath she had been holding, as the tears sprung to her eyes and her vision went blurry.

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><p><strong><em>Dont kill me, but i will leave it there. i have begun questioning my talents as a writer and i am not so sure i have the skill required to write a pregnant Kate.. so i will leave it up to you, either she is pregnant or she isn't. If she is, i will write a few more chapters and then write a sequal when the baby is born, thereby skipping over the pregnancy details i dont want to know about. If she isn't then this fic will take on a new direction or just simply end. Your choice, lemme know in a review. Majority wins so every vote counts!;) <em>**


	7. Chapter 7

**_So sorry for the delay, but i have been swamped with assessments and assignments, apparently 10th grade is a lot harder than i thought:| but here is the next chapter, it is a long one because i didnt have time to split it. Enjoy_**

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><p>"What does it say?" Alexis was squeezing Kate's hand, desperate to know the outcome, desperate to know what was going on.<p>

Rick was holding Kate so tightly to his side she was sure it would leave a mark on both of them.

"Its.. uh.."

She didn't know.

She had spent a good ten minutes staring at the box, reading the results.

One line: not pregnant.

Two lines: pregnant.

Now she was staring at the little white stick and she couldn't remember which was which. She quickly flipped over the box, reading the results key again.

She let go of Alexis's hand, she dropped the test and the box into the sink, she pried herself out of Rick's crushing embrace and turned around to face them.

She couldn't speak, too overcome by emotion to be able to form words. She had tears in her eyes, and her hands had moved up to cover her mouth.

She nodded.

She dropped her hands away from her face, revealing her dazzling smile, a smile that could stop traffic, make every single person within a hundred meter radius stop and stare, the smile that took his breath away and made him fall further in love with her.

"I'm pregnant" she whispered it quietly, more to herself than to anyone else.

"I'm pregnant!" she said louder, the realisation hitting her. A laugh bubbled through her lips, breaking the silence in the room.

It took a second for her words to sink in, for him to understand what was going on, for him to wrench her into his arms.

"Oh my god"

He spoke into her hair, holding her so tightly he was probably suffocating her.

"I can't believe it!"

His arms were wrapped around her waist, as he squeezed her, she felt her feet leave the ground, suspending her in mid-air with nothing but his arms holding her up.

Usually she would have objected, she would have ordered him to put her down, let her stand on her own two feet even if she was a good eight inches shorter than him.

But she didn't object. Her arms were around his neck, surely choking him, not that he minded. She pulled him down towards her even as he pulled her up towards him.

They stayed like that for a while, half laughing, half crying, both giddy with shock, both so incredibly happy.

She wasn't heavy, but the adrenaline was starting to leave his body, the momentary high brought on by the good news was slowly fading, they had to return to the real world, she had to return to the ground.

He put her down but held her close, their bodies never breaking contact. He loosened his grip on her slightly so he could pull back and look at her.

Her eyes shone with unshed tears. They were happy tears, the pure joy shining through her stunning green eyes matching his own.

He leaned down and kissed her, on her nose, on her cheeks, on her forehead, her hair, her chin, her neck. He touches his lips to any and every available bit of skin, showering her with kisses.

"Rick stop!" she laughs.

She doesn't want him to stop, he doesn't want to stop.

She finally stills his wandering lips with her own, pressing her mouth against his, saying everything that words couldn't; I love you, I need you, I can't do this without you.

They lost themselves in the kiss for a moment, forgetting the world around them. As far as they were concerned it was just the two of them, and the new little life they had unintentionally created.

They broke apart when they heard the door close. Kate turned around in his embrace, to find herself looking at the back of the closed door.

The door had been open hadn't it? She was sure she had left it open. They had also not been alone, now they were.

"Alexis" she said it quietly, but her heart sank to the pit of her stomach.

As much as she hated to admit it, she had forgotten the teen entirely. She had flung herself into Rick's embrace and not given his daughter so much as a glance. Neither of them had.

She felt awful. He felt worse.

He moved towards the door, his hands falling from her waist, he needed to talk to his daughter. She grabbed his hand as it slipped off her hip, making him look back at her.

"Let me" She wanted to do it. She wanted to make things right with Alexis.

He nodded in response and motioned for her to move past him. She did so, pausing as he kissed her gently on the cheek, his hand moving to rest his palm on her still flat stomach.

Kate walked through the bedroom and the office, and into the living room, hoping to find Alexis there. The redhead wasn't there so Kate moved quickly to the stairs, their breakfast was still sitting on the stove in the frying pans, cold and hard by now, she didn't want to risk being sick again, she had to talk to Alexis.

She padded up the stairs and came face to face with Alexis's bedroom door. It was shut. Kate quietly knocked twice on the wood.

"Lex, can I come in?"

She waited a moment before slowly opening the door, walking in uninvited.

She saw the teen sitting on her bed, her back to Kate.

"Lex what's wrong?" concern for the girl was evident in Kate's voice.

Alexis stood up and walked over to her desk, clearing up bits of paper and rearranging things, deliberately not looking at Kate.

"Nothing. I'm fine." She kept her answer short, not wanting her voice to betray her emotions.

Kate knew better than that. It was her job to know when people were lying, she could tell something was wrong.

"I know its not. Please let me in Lex, tell me what's wrong." She had no idea what the teen was thinking, but she loved the redhead like her own child and she wanted to be there for her.

Alexis finally met Kate's gaze. Her eyes were red-rimmed and tear filled.

"It isn't fair." Her voice was breaking slightly, her emotions getting the better of her.

Once again, Kate felt out of the loop. The teen's train of thought had completely passed her by and she didn't know what she meant.

"What isn't fair Lex?"

Kate was sitting on the bed now, patting the space next to her, motioning for the girl to sit down.

She did.

"Everything was so good, we were all happy and now.." she trailed off, her blue eyes remaining firmly focused on her hands.

Kate didn't know what to say, she hadn't expected this reaction.

"You're not happy." It wasn't a question. It was more like stating the obvious.

"After last night, it finally felt like a had a family, like a whole family, a normal one. You, me and dad. I've never had that. Mom was never much of a mother, even when she was around, we weren't a proper family. But then last night, you were there and I don't know, it just felt so good to have a mom, like a real mom." She paused, taking a breath and gathering her thoughts.

"I didn't want to love you before because I was so scared that I would and then you would leave us again, and then last night and this morning I finally did and now…" She finally looked up at Kate, both women had tears in their eyes.

She took another breath and ploughed on.

"My mom and dad were married. Then they had me and she left. They were _married_! And she _left!_ What's going to stop you?"

Kate had to admit that comment hurt a bit. Despite their earlier talk, Alexis was still convinced Kate was going to leave them and she didn't know what she could do to make her change her mind. Apparently, Alexis was not quite finished yet though.

"It was too good to be true. I didn't have a mom and you didn't have a daughter, it was so perfect for all of one day. Now you are getting your own baby and I don't have a mom."

That was it, Kate was stopping her right there.

"Lex I don't know what to say, but I promise you, I _swear _to you, that I am never going anywhere, I am going to be here with you and your dad and whoever else may join _our_ family. I am never going to leave you, ever, I don't know how to make you believe it, but its true Lex, I'm staying here with you, _Always_."

Kate felt the tears running down her cheeks but she didn't care, she needed to make Alexis understand, she needed to make the girl trust her, believe her when she said _always_. It was not just a word, it hadn't been since the day it first came out of Richard Castle's mouth. It was a promise, and no matter what happened, Kate knew it would be the last promise she ever broke.

The girl shook her head, as if she disagreed with Kate, or just didn't believe her.

She was sobbing now, trying her best to hold it together and failing miserably. Kate was not doing much better. She had to get it together. No matter how mature and sophisticated Alexis was, she was the child and Kate was the adult and she needed get control over the situation.

She gripped the girls shoulders, shifting herself so that they were facing each other straight on. She was not being rough with the girl, just firm. She was taking control, she was parenting.

"Alexis Castle. Look at me." The girl did, a little bit shocked at the authority she heard in the detective's voice.

"Now listen to me. I. Love. You. You are like the daughter I never even knew I wanted but was so lucky to get anyway. No matter what happens, I will always love you alright? And I will be your mom for as long as you will let me, I will be here for you whenever you need me."

She paused, making sure the teen was still following before carrying on.

"This baby will not change anything. Well it will, but not that. It wont change how much I love you and your dad; I am not going to love this baby any more or less than I love you. And we _are_ a proper family, the three of us and any other newcomers ok?"

She hoped she had gotten through to the teen. Tears were streaked down both their faces their breathing coming in slightly uneven.

Kate waited while Alexis processed it all, letting her think through it at her own pace.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, getting control of their emotions and reigning in their tears.

Alexis finally leaned into Kate, burying her face in Kate's neck and wrapping her arms around her waist. Kate returned the sentiment, holding the girl close.

She had expected the girl's sobs to subside, her breathing to get easier and her body to relax; but it didn't. The longer Kate held the redhead, the harder she cried.

Kate shuffled backwards towards the headboard, making sure to keep Alexis close. She settled herself against the solid wood behind her and then reached her one arm down and hooked it under the girl's legs.

It took a bit of effort due to the fact that they were about the same size, but Kate was finally able to pull Alexis onto her lap, where she curled into Kate, looking more like a child than a young woman.

Kate just sat and held her while she cried, giving little thought to the numbness setting in on her legs, the awkward position she was sitting in and the painful angle her neck was being held at. She didn't care, Alexis needed her to be there and so she would be.

When the teen finally exhausted herself, and her breathing was once again regular and even, she snuggled herself further into Kate's embrace, bringing her arms up to loop around the detective's neck.

Kate was contented to sit in silence, simply enjoy the weight of the child in her lap, the feeling of being needed.

"I'm going to have a sibling!" Kate could hear the excitement in the girl's voice, the female version of her father.

Kate just nodded. The novelty was beginning to wear off and her fears seemed to be returning to the surface. Her breathing shortened and her heart rate picked up speed.

Alexis seemed to sense the shift in mood.

"Are you scared?" she asked innocently, as if she couldn't feel the older woman's body tensing up beneath her, as if she couldn't hear the way her heart beat was pounding nearly out of her chest.

Kate's mouth had gone dry, her earlier speech had left her at a loss for words. She finally managed to whisper one;

"Terrified."

It was the truth, she didn't even try to deny it in front of her 'daughter'.

"Of what?" Alexis had a pretty good idea of what, but she wanted Kate to say it, she could see her dad standing in the doorway of her bedroom, obviously concerned for both of them. She was pretty sure he had been there the whole time, she was also sure that Kate hadn't noticed him.

She wanted Kate to admit it because she knew the detective would not lie to her, she would tell her straight up what she was scared of. She might not be as honest with the girl's father though, she would try and be strong because she thought that was what he wanted from her.

Alexis knew them all too well.

"Of becoming a mother." Kate finally mumbled quietly, holding Alexis a little bit tighter with her admission.

Alexis looked up at Kate and smiled, giving her a light squeeze with her arms she replied

"Don't be," She burrowed her head back into Kate's neck holding her as close as she could while not making either of them uncomfortable.

She spoke into the pillows at Kate's back when she said

"You already are a mother, a great one in fact. This baby doesn't know how lucky it is." She motioned towards Kate's flat stomach with her hand. She was unsure of exactly how far their relationship had progressed and she didn't know if it was appropriate to touch the older woman's belly.

Kate took Alexis's hand with her own and placed it on her tummy. It was as flat as it had always been, with not so much as a bump to show for the tiny life growing inside it. But for Kate and Alexis, the gesture was not so much about feeling the baby, but about trusting each other, and being close.

It meant something to the two of them, and the man standing in the doorway tearing up slightly.

Kate's stomach vibrated slightly under the girls' joined hands. They both laughed.

"We never got to eat our brunch!" Alexis was a bit disappointed, they had worked hard preparing it.

"Let's go see if we can salvage anything, or maybe have lunch?" Kate was ravenous; she was prepared to eat anything.

Except for pickles. Or jam.

"Sounds good, lemme change and I will meet you downstairs." Alexis smiled at Kate, indicating to her own messed up hair and tear-stained shirt.

Kate nodded and they both stood up.

Kate gave Alexis a quick kiss on the top of her head and then walked over to the door, taking one more look at the redhead before disappearing through it.

He had her in his arms in a flash.

"You're amazing." He was completely in awe. He had always thought she was amazing, but she constantly found new ways of outdoing herself, of being even more amazing.

Kate hugged him back, happy to be in his warm embrace.

"I love you" she hugged him tighter, she wasn't sure why she had said it, not that she needed a reason, but she loved telling him, reminding him.

"Always" it was just as good, better even, because it was theirs, only theirs.

"And she's right you know, you are a great mom." He bent down and kissed her on the lips, softly and gentle, filled with so much love.

She kissed him back, allowing his tongue entry into her mouth, letting her arms loop around his neck until her hand found his ear, she gave it a sharp twist, startling him out of the kiss with a cry of

"Apples!"

He looked at her with a mixture of shock and confusion on his face.

"That's for eavesdropping." She smirked at him, pleased with herself.

"Kaaaate!" he whined at her, his hand coming up to gingerly cup his injured ear.

"Oh stop whining Castle, and come and help me make lunch." She usually only called him Castel at the precinct, which was when he was most annoying, but every now and then she brought it home, not that he minded.

She turned around and started walking towards the stairs. She knew he would follow her, he always followed her.

She stopped suddenly as a thought occurred to her.

"I think Lanie and Espo should be the godparents, dont you?"

Rick pulled her into his arms and smiled at her, she was already thinking about the future.

"Thats a great idea love" She hated pet-names, but that one she always let slide.

He leant down and pressed his mouth to hers again, loving the feeling.

He stood up straight again both his hands holding hers at her hips.

"What about Ryan and Jenny though?" He was waggling his eyebrows, rather smug now that he had thought of something she hadn't.

Her reply wiped the smirk right off his face. She leaned in close, completely invading his personal space, her lips just millimetres away from his and said hotly;

"They can have the next one."

Before turning and heading down the stairs, adding a little more sway to her hips as she left him behind, mouth still hanging open.

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><p><strong><em>So as i said, my work load is getting a lot heavier, so i will be updating both my stories once every week, probably on a saturday. so look out around that time. Also i am not sure how much further you guys want me to take this one, or if you think this was a good final chapter? please let me know coz i dont want to keep writing if no one wants to keep reading:) thanks guys:) BC<em>**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Alright, you can not possibly understand how sorry i am for not updating sooner! i know it has been like a month and most of you have probably lost interest, but i went to Africa for a community service thing, and then i got back and i had so much schoolwork to catch up on and then i tried to write and realised that what ever small amount of talent i had for writing fanfiction has vanished and i struggled to write this chapter. I have got an idea where this story is going, i will need feedback though or i might just remove this chapter and start a sequel. read this and lemme know? and the AN at the end is important! thank you :) **_

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><p>"Dad she probably just got caught up at the precinct, she'll be here any minute now." Alexis was trying, and failing to reason with her father, who was alternating between texting and calling Kate.<p>

"Kate it's me, again, please just call me back or text me or meet us at the restaurant, we're sitting outside and I can't see you, I love you, bye."

He disconnected the call, leaving what was probably the 100th voicemail message for Kate.

"I know I know, I won't call again." He reassured his daughter, while secretly sending one last text to Kate.

It had been almost a week since they found out Kate was pregnant, and so far it seemed like Alexis was handling the news best out of all of them. They had decided to wait to tell everyone until they had seen a doctor which the three of them were scheduled to do the following day.

Rick had slipped up on the first day when he had picked up two coffees on his way to the precinct. Kate had left before him to catch up on some paperwork and he had stopped to get her a coffee as per usual.

He handed it to Kate in front of Esposito and Ryan and then remembered that coffee was prohibited for the next nine months.

He had to quickly choke down the rest of his own scalding hot latte and hand her his empty cup to keep up appearances with the boys, they would definitely know something was up if she refused her caffeine.

He then spent the rest of the morning doing much the same, making two cups of coffee, drinking his own and then switching his empty cup for her full one when the boys weren't looking.

By midday, he had drunk eight cups of coffee and was bouncing off the walls, his entire body shaking any time he tried to sit still. After they had eaten lunch and he had taken what had to be his 20th bathroom break, it dawned on him to simply make Kate's cup decaf, Ryan and Esposito wouldn't know the difference and he wouldn't give himself a heart attack.

Kate simply sat back and watched him run around at hyper-speed, and tried to hide her amusement as he tried to build a theory with her and the guys talking a mile-a-minute. She had thought of decaf hours ago, but had to admit it was funny watching him run around like a kid on a sugar rush.

The second day had been a lot less amusing, they caught a case in which the vic, Jessica Hill, had been shot point blank and then set on fire in an alley between two buildings. Kate got the call and showed up writer in toe, decaf-coffee in hand, to inspect the crime scene.

Within five minutes, her stomach was in knots, her head was spinning, and her eyes were extremely red and teary from trying not to gag at the smell of burnt flesh.

Rick had grabbed her arm, muttered something to the others about interviewing a witness, and pulled her around the corner and out of sight where she promptly threw up her breakfast while he held her hair.

On Wednesday, Kate and Rick had been interrogating their suspect, Thomas Bishops, for nearly an hour, trying to break him and force a confession. When she had run out of ideas on how to get him to talk, she simply motioned for Rick to leave and stood to follow him to the door, making an offhand comment about putting Bishops in lock up over night.

Bishops grabbed Kate's wrist as she reached to pick up her notepad off the table, pulling her towards him roughly. Unprepared for the movement, Kate lost her balance and slammed straight into the edge of the table, hard.

It had taken all her strength to stop Castle from hitting Bishops, who she decided to charge with assaulting a police officer, on top of the murder charge she knew would stick.

Thursday hadn't been good either; Kate's morning sickness reared its ugly head in the middle of a meeting with Iron Gates, who had not been impressed when Kate, aided by Rick, threw up in her waste paper basket.

She had been even less impressed when Rick's quick thinking provided her with 'stomach flu' as Kate's excuse. She sent Kate, and by default Rick, home for the rest of the week. Ryan and Esposito eyed them suspiciously the whole way to the elevator.

The rest of the day had been spent dodging phone calls from Lanie, who was also suspicious after talking to Esposito, and Martha, who was being kept in the dark until Jim Beckett was back in town so they could be told together.

Kate spent Friday with Alexis, watching movies, helping her with college applications and just talking, about everything from Alexis's social life to Kate's own college years, just getting to know each other better, share some quality time.

Rick was supposed to spend the day writing but instead googled baby names and tried to eavesdrop on the girls' conversation, both of which earned him an ear twist from Kate.

He touched his ear just at the memory.

It was Saturday now and Kate had gone back into the precinct to pick up a few files and just check the murder board, despite the regular updates she had received from the boys, she wanted to have a look herself, see if they missed anything.

She was supposed to meet Rick and Alexis at the restaurant at 7:30, it was now exactly 8:02 and she still hadn't arrived.

Rick tried reasoning with himself, Alexis was right, she probably just got caught up in the case, she had probably started going through the vics financials or something and lost track of time.

But she should be answering her phone, if only because he had been calling and texting her non-stop for half and hour.

Rick had a bad feeling about it. She would call him, she knows how much he worries about her, and how that worry had only intensified since finding out she was pregnant. If he was overprotective before, it was nothing compared to now and she knew it.

So why hadn't she called?

"I'm just going to try her again." Rick picked up his phone and hit redial, praying that he wouldn't have to listen to her voicemail message again.

"This is Detective Kate Beckett, I am unable to take your call right now but leave your name and number and I'll get back to you, thanks"

Her voicemail finally picked up after too many rings. He was past leaving another message, he ended the call and stood from his seat.

It just didn't feel right, it felt too familiar, he couldn't say why, but it felt like déjà vu – and not the good kind, it felt wrong.

"Honey lets go" he turned to Alexis, motioning for her to stand.

"But dad, dinner, and Kate, I'm sure she's on her way right now" she was trying to calm her father but she couldn't help but feel a little worried too.

"We're going to the precinct, your right she's probably forgotten, or lost track of time." He was trying to downplay it, he didn't want to worry his daughter, he didn't want to panic her for no reason, and seeing him freak out would scare her.

He ushered her towards the exit and followed close behind, signalling to the waiter that they would no longer be needing the table.

They walked quickly to his Ferrari, Rick called Kate twice more in the short distance from the restaurant to the car, he hung up as he unlocked the door.

Alexis climbed into the passengers seat, pulling out her own phone and hitting Kate's speed dial.

"What?" she replied to Rick's look, "You keep your hands on the wheel and I'll keep trying Kate."

He nodded, shooting her a grateful smile and throwing the car into gear and out of the parking space nearly simultaneously.

"Kate, it's Alexis, I don't know if you got any of dad's one billion messages," she gave her dad a look, "but he is really freaking out and I'm getting kinda worried too, please call us when you get this, love you."

Despite everything, it still made Rick unbelievably happy to hear his daughter tell Kate she loves her, it made him feel like he had done the right thing by them both by bringing them together, something he used to worry about.

He may have run a few lights, but they were soon at the precinct, shutting off the engine, he took the stairs two at a time, he couldn't stand in the elevator, he needed to be doing something.

He burst through the doors and his eyes were immediately drawn to her desk, his heart sinking when he found it deserted.

He heard the elevator ding behind him, but ignored it as he walked over to the break room, hoping to find her making coffee or sleeping on the couch.

She was doing neither.

"Maybe she forgot and went home?" Alexis had gotten off the elevator and was standing by the corner of Kate's desk, her eyes searching for any sign of where Kate could be.

"Yeah maybe," he was trying to sound hopeful, but his stomach had bottomed out, he was starting to really panic.

He raced back down the stairs, this time Alexis followed, she couldn't take the elevator again; it would slow them down.

They were back in the car and on their way back to the loft within minutes.

He tried to logically work out why she wasn't at the precinct and why she hadn't been at the restaurant. They hadn't had a fight, that he was aware of, he hadn't been keeping anything from her, unless you counted the diamond engagement ring he had stashed away in his winter coat pocket, so there was no reason why she would be screening his calls. And there was absolutely no way she would ignore Alexis, she loved his daughter, no strings attached, with or without him.

_Where are you Kate?_

He still couldn't shake how familiar it all seemed, like he had heard it, or seen it or read it all before. That was what had his heart thumping, the feeling that he knew this story, the feeling that he knew how it ended, the feeling that it didn't end well for anyone.

By the time he pulled into the parking garage, he had worked himself up so much he was shaking, his writer's brain coming up with all of the worst reasons why Kate was MIA. Ranging from 'she's left me' to 'she's been murdered/kidnapped' all of them leaving him with the panicked thought of 'She's gone'

He didn't bother locking the car, he didn't even pause to make sure he shut the door after he leapt out, already running for the stairs.

"Daddy?"

His daughter's frightened voice was the only thing that could pull him out of his panic, nothing else could have slowed him down.

He turned around and saw her puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks, he could have kicked himself; he hadn't even noticed she'd been crying.

"Oh pumpkin," he opened his arms and she ran into them, sobbing into his shirt.

"Daddy where is she? Why isn't she answering her phone?"

He stroked her hair and held her tight, because he didn't know and he couldn't tell her that.

"She probably came home and forgot all about dinner, she is probably in bed asleep." He didn't know who he was trying to reassure, but he sensed it wasn't working for either of them.

He kept one arm around his daughter and slowly walked her towards the elevator, they needed to calm down, he could skip the stairs this time.

The doors opened and they got in, pressing the relevant button, he stood and held Alexis while they slowly rode up to their floor.

He tried to work out again what was so familiar about it all, he had never written a scene like this, he had never experienced anything similar to it, so why did it fill him with dread? Why did he have such a terrible feeling about it?

They were two floors away.

_Kate would know_ he mused silently, she would tell him why it felt so –

_Kate_.

The doors finally opened, they were at their floor.

It hit him as he stepped out of the elevator.

A man and his nineteen-year-old daughter, waiting at a restaurant for their lover and mother respectively, only for her to be a no show and return home to the same sight he was now beholding.

A detective at his front door.

_NO!_

He fought the overwhelming urge to run, to get out of there and not have to face what the Detective had to say. The urge to go back out there and search for Kate, _his_ Kate.

He felt Alexis tense beside him, she was a smart girl, she had seen the similarities too. He felt her falter, take two steps back as if repelled by the Detective who had now become aware of their presence.

The Detective turned to face them, Rick found himself stepping between the man, who clearly meant them no harm, and his daughter, trying to protect her from his words, knowing they couldn't be good.

"I'm sorry sir are you Richard Castle?"

The Detective was talking to him, but Rick didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to talk to this detective, he wanted to talk to _his_ detective, he wanted to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was safe, he wanted to be able to hold her and touch her and know that she and their unborn child were safe and alive and well.

He could feel his heart racing, his head spinning, he had felt like this exactly twice before in his life, when he lost Alexis in a store once when she was little, and when he thought he had lost Kate that day in the cemetery, nearly two years ago.

He felt like his world was being turned upside down, like his heart had been ripped out and stomped on repetitively. He couldn't go through this, not again, he had just barely survived those three months without her after she had been shot, and that was when he at least knew she was ok.

He didn't think he could do it again, not now that she was his, now that she had become a bigger part of his life, his other half, his daughter's mother, the mother of the baby they were supposed to have together, they _were_ having together.

Alexis started shaking in his arms, obviously reaching the same conclusion, she knew that she was going to lose either both parents or none, Kate was were mom, in every way but genetics. She had been there before, she had been there when Kate was shot, she had been there all summer long and watched her daddy slip away, if anything happened to Kate, it affected him more than she thought was possible.

It was something she used to love about their relationship but in that moment she hated it. Their dependence on each other, their inability to continue functioning normally without the other, it made them an amazing couple and family and team, but it made them vulnerable, and judging by the way things were going, Alexis was fairly certain it would make her an orphan.

"I am," Rick was answering the Detective's question, his voice sounded dead, not like him at all, it made Alexis want to cry harder, she was losing him already.

The Detective walked towards them, his eyes not meeting theirs, he stopped in front of them and prepared to speak.

Alexis pressed herself into her fathers chest as he wrapped his arms tighter around her, preparing himself for the words he was fairly certain were about to shatter their worlds entirely.

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><p><strong><em>so yeah.. im sorry, i wasnt happy with it, but i have lost the ability to write anything and this is as good as it gets. where it goes from here is your choice as readers; i have multiple endings planned, ranging from tragic to relieved, if you like the angst i can do it, if you want no more angst i can do it, if you want it sad... yeah not gonna lie i have written that chapter already, but lemme know what YOU want and i will make it happen:) PLEASEEE REVIEWWW!<em>**


	9. Chapter 9

_**So firstly, i just have to say a massive THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it helped me hugely in the planning for the rest of the story! i did try to reply to most of them, but if i didnt then thank you:) all i can say is hang in there, and there will be no major character death. that is all. **_

_**Disclaimer: Castle is not mine. **_

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><p>He didn't want to be here, he didn't want to hear what the detective had to say, he didn't want it to be true, it couldn't be true.<p>

She couldn't be gone.

Not after all they had been through, not after all they had survived together.

_Together. _

He should have been with her! He shouldn't have let her go alone! He should have insisted they stay together, they could handle it together, they could handle _anything_ together, drowning, freezing, fighting, they could take it.

Together they could face tigers, battle their nightmares, heal their wounds.

Together they were damn near invincible.

It was when they were apart that they weren't. When they were apart, the daemons were _that_ much harder to fight, the worries and fears they each had were harder to shake. When they were apart they were missing something, they were missing each other.

She shouldn't have been alone, they shouldn't have been apart, but she was and they were and now she was –

She was what?

The detective was looking expectantly at Rick and Alexis, who had closed her eyes and was leaning heavily against her father. He was waiting for Rick to acknowledge him, ask his purpose, he was just the messenger, he was sent simply to pass on the news.

He didn't know how long the detective had been waiting, but Rick knew he would have waited all night for him and Alexis to return to the loft, which meant he had news – bad news – the kind that could not simply be told via a phone call or text message, because that was too impersonal; cold.

He knew what was coming, he knew what this detective was going to say,

"Mr Castle, I'm sorry to have to inform you, but your girlfriend, Detective Katherine Beckett, was killed early this evening, I am very sorry for your loss."

Something like that, something similar. Rick had seen it done many times, had seen Kate do it; give bad news to families, tell them that someone they loved was gone forever, he had watched them cry and shake and refuse to believe it, he thought he had felt their pain, been able to sympathise, but he hadn't, he had never experienced it himself.

But Kate had, she new what it was like to come home and find an NYPD Detective on her doorstep, she had been given the 'sorry for your loss' speech. She knew what it was like.

And by the end of the night, so would he, and his teenage daughter.

He held her tightly in his arms, his baby girl, his whole world. What would this do to her? Her and Kate were close, they had grown ridiculously attached to each other over the past week. Not that he minded.

Sure he was a little jealous at first, they seemed more inclined to spend time with each other than with him, content to share stories and laugh and gang up on him on movie night, but he loved it, he really did.

He had finally done right by his daughter, she now had a mother and role model, and he had his one and done. Kate was the missing piece that their family needed. She was exactly what they were looking for and they weren't even married.

She was pregnant with his child.

They were expanding their family, they were going to grow, Alexis was going to have a sibling, even if it was about ten years too late, Kate was going to be a mother, from the beginning this time, he was going to be a dad again, he was going to get to raise a baby with Kate, share the joys of parenthood with his significant other.

That was what was supposed to happen, that was how it was meant to go.

But there was a detective here, persistently looking at Rick, desperate to pass on his message and carry on with his job. Wanting to give Rick the dumbed-down version of whatever happened, soften the blow and sugar-coat the finer details.

He had seen that done too,

'She bled out immediately, she didn't feel a thing'

or maybe;

'Snapped her neck straight away, she didn't see it coming'

His mind was reeling with the possibilities, his overactive imagination conjuring up all sorts of terrible images. Past crime scenes he'd been too, each time his beautiful Kate's face in place of the victims. Bus and car crashes he's seen on the news, but it was her flawed but nevertheless incredible body being covered by a white sheet, her eyes looking back at him, haunted, empty.

It was killing him.

He could feel his daughter still shaking in his arms, her eyes squeezed shut, trying to stop the tears from falling. She couldn't hide them though, Rick could already see the tear tracks down her cheeks, could already hear her laboured breathing as she tried not to break down.

It broke his heart.

He hated that she had to experience this, that his little girl was being exposed to the harsh reality of the world. It was an eventuality, but one he was perfectly happy to put off until later. He had to be there for her this time, he couldn't shut it out and disconnect, he couldn't do that to her, not again.

If he had learnt anything from his daughter's reaction when Kate finally let him back in, it was that she hated who he was that summer, she resented how closed off he had been, how he appeared to mourn the loss of someone who wasn't dead.

This time he's be there for her. He'd hold her while she cried and he's step up and take care of her like he was supposed to, like he usually did. He would be there for her because she was all he had left in the world now, and he was all she had.

Rick knew he should say something, anything, to the detective, ask his name, why he had come here, where was Kate. He knew he should say something but between the quivering girl in his arms, and the various thoughts and feelings rushing through him, he couldn't make his mouth move, he couldn't bring himself to form the words necessary.

He didn't want to hear it, he didn't want the detective to say the words, make it final, make it definite. He didn't want to know for sure that his Kate was gone, because the presence of a detective at his door and the absence of his beloved, made that clear enough. He didn't want it to be true.

But still, as soon as the Detective confirmed it, it would hit him for sure. Rational thought would be impossible, he had been there before, he had lost her before. He would feel as if it were him who was dead, not she. He knew it was coming but that would not make it any easier to accept.

Finally, after what seemed like hours to the Castles, the detective clears his throat and starts towards them, clearly sensing he must make the first move.

He clears his throat again as he prepares to speak.

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><p>She should have seen it coming really, she should have known.<p>

Her life never went this well, never.

When she was nineteen, she had been a happy college student, had an amazing relationship with both parents, was on her way to being somebody; she had been happy.

Then her mom had been murdered, her dad became an alcoholic, and she threw her entire being into solving her moms case, effectively wasting her own life.

Then she became a detective, and she had her boys and she had Castle, and she started to feel better, she smiled more, lived more, laughed more. She was so close to being happy again.

Then Montgomery had been killed, a man who was like a father to her, then _she_ had been shot and nearly killed, and then she had retreated back into herself, pushing everyone who loved her away, pushing Rick away.

But she had recovered, she healed and came back fighting, she was ready to be happy, ready to tell Rick she remembered his confession, that she loved him too, she was ready, she was going to be happy again.

And then he had been shot and nearly killed, and she thought she had lost him before he even really became hers to lose.

But he had lived and they had built a life together, she became a part of his family and she _was_ happy. For the first time in so long, she was truly and blissfully happy. She had Rick, she had Alexis, she had the boys and Lanie, and she had a new baby on the way, Rick's baby.

So really she should have known that something was going to happen, because never in her life had she been allowed to be this happy for long. It was as though the universe had some unwritten law ensuring any happiness she had was short lived.

She left the precinct and hailed a cab, giving the driver the name of the restaurant where she was meeting Rick and Alexis, smiling to herself in the backseat as she rested her hand lovingly on her still-flat stomach.

She shouldn't have been surprised by the white light that blinded her seconds before the car rammed into her cab, the impact causing the entire vehicle to roll.

For a moment, she was suspended, hanging upside down in the cab by her seatbelt. There was a fleeting moment of weightlessness, before she came crashing down. Hard.

And everything went black.

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><p>"Just say it, tell me what happened"<p>

"Mr Castle I – "

"Don't _Mr Castle_ me, just say it, tell me, _please!_"

"I'm sorry, there's been an accident."

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><p><strong><em>So we really didnt get anywhere in this chapter, and im sorry, but a combination of a faulty laptop, little sleep and an addictive book, made it difficult to write. please please PLEASE review:) the next chapter will be up alot sooner hopefully:) <em>**


	10. Chapter 10

**You_ cannot possibly understand how sorry i am that this took so long, we started our exams on wednesday last week and i have had no time to do anything at all, i hardly have any time for eating and sleeping let alone updating so i am sorry!:( as a result this chapter is not anywhere near as good as i wanted it to be and i had such good plans for it and it is a let down, but it has been two weeks and i dont get to see the final tonight so this is my comfort! here it is:_**

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><p>"<em>There's been an accident…" <em>

Rick's entire world stopped.

He could still hear the detective talking, no doubt telling him the details, what happened, where she was, who was first on scene. Things that he thought Rick would want to know, things Rick _should_ want to know.

But he didn't.

His ears felt as though they had been stuffed with cotton wool. The detective's voice sounded so far away and so muffled. Rick had heard enough, he didn't want to listen anymore.

He had lost her. She was gone.

That was the only thing he was capable of thinking. He was oblivious to Alexis stilling in his arms, fighting to remove herself from his embrace, fighting to get away from him.

What was she doing? Why was she trying to get away? She should want to be in her father's arms right now.

Rick didn't understand, nothing made sense through the fog that was settling on his mind, the thought of moving forward with her, without Kate, was making everything else unclear, impossible.

"Dad! Lets go, come on dad hurry up!"

Alexis was shouting at him, her hand digging into his arm, trying to pull him towards the elevator, trying to move him from the spot his feet seemed to have rooted into.

"Wha-?"

Rick looked back and forth between the detective, who was also making his way to the elevator, and his daughter, who was fiercely wiping the tears from her cheeks and seemed to be on a mission.

He had clearly missed something.

"Dad are you coming?" Alexis was getting frustrated, leave it to her dad to become deaf, dumb and mute at the worst possible moment.

She saw the confusion written on his face, and the pure misery in his already distant eyes.

"What?"

He was finally able to form at least one coherent word, even if it did earn him a huff of annoyance from his daughter.

"Dad she's at the hospital! Kate! Kate is at the hospital! We have to go dad!

She had seen her father like this before, the deer-in-the-headlights look. When he had been in hospital and on a high dose of morphine, he had managed to convince himself that Kate was dead, and it had taken the woman herself to snap him out of it.

They didn't have time for that now though, and they most certainly didn't have Kate, Alexis had to step up instead.

She gripped Rick's hands tightly in her own and made him look her in the eye.

"Dad you didn't listen! Kate was in an accident; she was in a cab on her way to the restaurant when they got hit. Detective Esposito was on his way to the precinct and he stopped to see what was going on and he rode with Kate to the hospital."

She stopped, trying to gauge whether or not he was taking everything in, she needed him to understand, she needed him to snap out of it so they could go see Kate.

Rick was still frozen in place, still unable to move. Kate was alive. She wasn't ok, but she was still alive, he hadn't lost her. Esposito was with her, Javier was with her. That man was like a brother to Kate and one of the few people in the world Rick truly trusted with Kate's life. But he wasn't Rick, he didn't love Kate quite as much as Rick did. And Kate didn't love Javi like that either. Kate loved him. Kate needed _him_.

He finally snapped out of it, his feet propelling him forward, towards the elevator, towards _Kate._ Now it was his turn to drag Alexis, pulling her through the doors the detective held open.

The Detective.

Rick turned to face the other man, trying to work out why on earth he was here. Kate was not dead, so why had the NYPD sent an officer to Rick's loft? Why had the hospital not called him?

Rick turned to face the other man, his arm wrapped protectively around his daughter once more.

"Kate's alive?"

His voice was strained, like it was taking a great deal of effort to talk at all. He needed confirmation, he needed to know why a Detective had been sent to inform him Kate had been in an accident.

The Detective nodded his head, and extended his hand to Rick.

"She was on her way to the hospital, but we will find out when we get there. I'm Detective Matthews, me and Javier go way back. He was giving me a ride when we saw the accident. He rode with Detective Beckett to the hospital and he sent me here in his car to escort you to her. He said you would worry if you got a phone call and he didn't need you trashing your Ferrari racing to the hospital."

Rick shook Matthews' hand and nodded his head, it was true, if someone had phoned him and said Kate had been in an accident, he would have broken every speed limit and run every red light to get to her. Javier knew him well.

"He called Detective Ryan, and he is picking up Mr Beckett and meeting us there."

The elevator had reached the ground floor by now and Matthews was walking and talking.

"How long have you been waiting?"

Rick hated the thought of Kate being in the hospital without him. He knew she hated hospitals, she had told him as much when she had stayed over with him after he was shot, curled up on the narrow hospital bed, needing the closeness. Hospitals reminded her of her own shooting and now of his as well, they frightened her more than she would admit to anyone but him.

"Not long, I had only been here a couple of minutes when you showed up, the ambulance would have just reached the hospital."

He seemed to read Rick's thoughts, he had heard from Javi how in love Castle and Beckett were.

They reached Esposito's Police cruiser, Matthews walked around to the drivers side, but Rick climbed in the backseat after Alexis, he needed to be close to his daughter.

They didn't talk the whole way to the hospital, Matthews used the sirens, allowing them to pass through every red light they encountered.

Rick new it was against the rules, but he was so grateful the detective deemed it necessary.

Rick was rubbing comforting circles on Alexis's back, he was worried about her. He loved Kate so much, and he knew that Alexis did too. He knew his daughter worried about him and Kate all the time, she was terrified that one of them would get hurt, or worse, while on the job.

But they were not on the job this time. Kate was not hurt chasing down a bad guy or anything related to police work. It was just a coincidence that it happened to be her in the cab, it was just their bad luck.

Rick hated that Alexis had to go through this again, she had already lost Kate once, same as him, maybe she didn't love Kate back then, but she did care about her. Rick knew she had kept her distance from Kate at first, in the early weeks and months of their relationship. She wasn't rude to Kate, she just was not overly friendly, she did not want to get attached, in case something like this were to happen.

Alexis and Kate had grown closer than he had dared hope, and with Kate's pregnancy, even being in its early stages, she seemed to have fully embraced motherhood and always hugged his daughter a little longer and a little tighter when ever the two parted ways, even just for the day.

Kate was pregnant.

How could he have possibly forgotten? That is all any of them had talked about all week! They had been debating on names, shopping online for baby wear, Rick had kept his hand glued to Kate's stomach for the first three nights, despite the fact that there was absolutely no way he was going to feel anything. They had been baby-mad all week and he had nearly forgotten about it.

They were all so happy, Kate was having a baby, they were going to be parents together. They couldn't lose that now, they had been through so much, but he was sure there was only so much they could overcome, he didn't think she would be able to handle losing someone else, even if it was someone she didn't know yet.

He was pulled from his thoughts as the cruiser pulled up outside of the hospital.

Matthews got out the car, closing his door before turning and opening the back door for Alexis.

"Come on Lex, lets go."

Rick gave her a gentle prod on her shoulder when she made no move to get out but she didn't move.

"Daddy what if she isn't ok this time?"

Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth, something she had picked up from Kate. Her hands were trembling.

He pulled her to him without hesitating.

"Its Kate Lex, you know how strong she is, I'm sure she will be fine."

Seeing tears in her eyes almost made his own go misty. He had to be strong for her though, no matter what.

Alexis nodded her head and moved to get out the car, holding her dad's hand as they walked towards the building, just like she had when she was a little girl.

As they walked in, they were met by Esposito, blood on his hands, face as pale as Rick had ever seen it.

As soon as Rick reached him, Esposito nodded once, answering the question Rick hadn't even asked yet,

_Is she ok? _

Rick let out the breath he had consciously been holding, if she was still breathing then so was he.

"There was a lot of blood dude, just a lot. Not like last time, not as much as then, but a lot – from her head, I think she hit it, I don't know, they weren't sure, she wasn't awake when I got there but I held her hand the whole way here man, I told her you would be here and that she has to hang on, she'll be fine bro, she's been through worse."

Rick wasn't sure who Javi was trying to reassure, him and Alexis, or himself, probably both. But he was right, she had taken a bullet to the heart, if she could survive that she could survive this.

She had to survive this.

Lanie rushed up to them before Rick could reply, so he simply nodded his head at the Hispanic Detective, hoping it conveyed his gratitude.

Jim Beckett was behind Lanie, followed by Kevin and lastly Jenny. Martha had been called but was in acting class and had her phone switched off.

There were all there. All waiting to know how Kate was, again. None of them could help but think of the last time they did this, the last time they had all gathered in a similar hospital waiting room, just waiting.

None of them spoke, they didn't need to say anything, just being in each other's company was enough.

"The family of Katherine Beckett?"

A elderly gentleman in bloodied doctors scrubs had walked in, clipboard in hand, grimace on face.

They all stood up, Jim, Rick, Alexis, Lanie, Esposito and Ryan, all gravitating towards the doctor, crowding each other, reassuring each other.

"Miss Beckett has been mostly lucky in that she has received only superficial injuries. She did however sustain a blow to the head which has resulted in some swelling in the brain. We were able to repair the damage without surgery and she has been in and out of consciousness. She is currently in the ICU, we need to monitor her vitals and keep an eye on her, but she will make a full recovery and should regain consciousness very soon."

They all stood still for a few minutes, disbelief showing clearly on their faces. Kate was fine, she was going to be fine, she was only slightly injured, she was going to be fine.

"There was so much blood though, how can she just be fine?"

Javi didn't quite buy it, there had to be a catch, something that wasn't being said. Not that he wasn't happy, he was absolutely thrilled that his sister was going to be ok, but he had been there, he had seen the blood gushing from her head, it was hard to believe she was already ok.

Rick was not having the same problem at all, neither was Alexis who broke down in a flood of relived tears as soon as the doctor took his leave. He was overjoyed that Kate was ok, his world would keep turning, he would be ok, because she would be.

A nurse walked over to their small group shortly after the doctor walked off, informing them that they were allowed to see Kate, as long as they kept their visit brief and quiet.

Javi excused himself to wash the blood off his hands and Lanie followed him, explaining to him as they walked, why Kate's wound caused so much blood but so little damage, he still didn't get it.

Jim and the Castles followed the nurse, while Ryan and Jenny decided to hang back and let the family go in first.

They were lead down a maze of corridors, Rick was certain he would have gotten lost if not for the guidance of the nurse. Alexis had managed to compose herself and Jim Beckett was yet to say anything. It had all been a blur really and Rick was not quite sure what to say himself.

One minute he was sure he had lost the love of his life – again – and now he had her back – again. But he still felt uneasy, still felt like something was wrong, he had to see her for himself, he had to touch her and kiss her and talk to her and know for sure that she was ok.

They rounded one final corner and were ushered quietly into a small room, nearly identical to the one she had been in after Montgomery's funeral, minus the armed police officers standing guard at the door.

And then there she was. Kate. Alive and well, heart monitor beeping out a steady rhythm beside her head. She was ok.

Now he felt ok, now he felt better, now he could breathe again. Because she was ok, they were ok.

Jim took the seat nearest to Kate, holding her hand and talking to her quietly, scolding her for scaring him once again, positive that she was trying to give him a heart attack. The older man's tone was teasing but Rick could tell he was worried, and just as scared about losing her as he and Alexis were.

The Castles sat on the couch at the foot of Kate's bed, why there was a couch in an ICU room he would never know, but Rick was eternally grateful for it.

Jim did not stay long, he rose after only a few minutes, kissed his daughter's forehead and bid the Castles farewell, promising he would join them all for dinner in the near future.

Rick took up the chair Jim had previously occupied, as well as the hand he had previously held, Kate's hand.

"You gave us such a scare today Kate. We thought we lost you again. Please don't do this to me, I cant take it, I cant lose you Kate."

Rick hadn't meant to sound so upset, he had meant to put up a brave front for his daughter, who sat sniffling on the couch still, but seeing her lying there in the hospital bed, a bandage around her head, he couldn't help but get choked up.

He heard Alexis dragging over another chair, he hadn't even thought of that, he should have thought of that.

When she was settled on the other side of Kate, Alexis took the older woman's hand in her own but remained silent, she couldn't speak, she was only just managing to keep it together as it was.

Rick shot his daughter a small but genuine smile over Kate's body, trying to comfort her, she returned his smile but neither of them spoke, they just sat and waited, waiting for Kate to come around, waiting for her to be okay.

Waiting.

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><p>When Kate came to, she was immediately aware of three things, the heavy throbbing of her head, the comfort and warmth seeping into both her hands, and a set of eyes trained on her face, watching her intently.<p>

"Hi"

Her throat was dry and her voice was extremely hoarse, but she was talking, she was alright.

"Kate, ohmygod you're ok"

She focused her eyes on Rick, smiling softly as he drew her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles lovingly.

Kate's eyes drifted over to her other hand, which was still being gripped tightly by a sleeping Alexis. She was struck by the normality of it all, aside from the fact that she was in a hospital bed, it felt so normal to be sitting there, holding hands with Rick, while they both watched his daughter sleep.

Their daughter.

Rick kept insisting Kate call Alexis _theirs_ as she did everything else in _their_ life. T_heir_ bed, _their_ loft, _their_ daughter, Alexis, the perfect child, Kate's very own baby girl –

Baby.

Kate's mood shifted from loving to panicked in a split second, as she ripped her hands out of Rick's and Alexis's, startling the sleeping girl in the process, her hands clutched the material over her stomach desperately.

"Rick, the baby!"

And just like that, the feeling of immense relief that had flooded his system when Kate had opened her eyes, was gone, his heart fell right through his stomach, the blood drained from his face.

Because he had forgotten, he had been so worried about Kate and so wrapped up in the incomprehensible thought of losing her, that in the heat of the moment, he had forgotten exactly how much he had to lose now.

He had forgotten to mention to anybody that Kate was pregnant and carrying his child.

He had forgotten to make sure it was ok.

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><p><strong><em>So there it is, i do intend to come back to it as soon as i get a chance and just smooth it over a bit, it was all a bit longwinded but rushed at the same time? i dont know, and no doubt there will be 10000 and 1 fics posted tomorrow relating to 'Always' which i will be unable to read, so i will hopefully be able to type up the next chapter. Please review and let me know what you think, how i can improve, rage to me about the final, i love spoilers, thanks BC :) <em>**


	11. Chapter 11

**_I dont even know how to apologise for the wait with this chapter. i am so unbelievably sorry. i have had exams on and sport every other hour of the day and then my laptop gave up the go entirely and i couldnt write for a week and a half! im sorry. but i hope this chapter makes up for it, please stick with me, i have a few more to go, i make no promises for the next update, but i do promise to try my best to be quick about it! read on..._**

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><p>Her head was spinning and she was sure it had nothing to do with the bandage wrapped around it. Any pain she had been feeling evaporated when she saw that look on Rick's face.<p>

He forgot.

He forgot they were having a baby, he forgot that she was pregnant, he forgot about _her_ baby.

Always the adult in the situation, Alexis was out in the hall, calling for a nurse, a doctor, anyone with medical training would do.

"Kate, I – I'm sorry I – "

Rick was stuttering, unbelievably angry and upset with himself. He had forgotten. He who had been completely overbearing and overprotective of her all week, hardly letting her do anything for fear of harming the baby, had forgotten about it.

Because it was Kate.

And the thought of losing her was already far too much to handle, it had completely taken over his mind, not letting him think of anything but her. It was as if his mind knew he would not be able to stand the thought of losing them both, it was like his brain was trying to shield him from that terrifying thought.

No chance of that happening now.

He would lose them both if the baby wasn't ok. Kate couldn't handle another loss, not after everything her life has thrown at her. She was strong, unbelievably strong, and she had handled so much, but this would break her. Losing her own baby would be the thing that finally took her away from him.

As the adults stared at each other, with matching horror-stricken expressions, Alexis was moving fast, already at the doorway, calling for a nurse.

She turned to face them, looking at them through tear-filled eyes, wondering what to do and where to go. It wasn't often she felt like an outsider around her dad and Kate, but in this moment, she felt she was intruding on some silent conversation and it was extremely uncomfortable.

Kate's head was pounding and her thoughts were racing around a mile a minute, trying to catch up to where everyone else seemed to be, get on the same page.

She didn't remember hitting her head, but everything was too loud and it was hurting her ears and making it very difficult to focus on any one thought.

She had an overwhelming need to hold onto something, someone maybe, that she couldn't, she knew she couldn't and yet she wanted to, _needed_ to, needed –

Her baby.

She needed to hold her baby, she needed to know it was ok, she needed to hold it and feel it and protect it, and it was killing her not to be able to.

"Lex! Lex come here, just – I need – I –"

She couldn't explain it, everything was so confusing and her words weren't coming out right and nothing made sense, nothing except that she needed Alexis to be close, she needed her close, she needed- she just –

"Please"

Her voice was a panicked whisper, as she held one shaking arm out to Alexis, the other one still clutching the material at her belly.

Alexis began moving towards Kate, her actions slow and deliberate, very unsure of the situation. She shot her dad a questioning look, but it was clear from the expression on his face he had no idea what was going on.

As soon as she was within reach of her, Kate grabbed Alexis's hand, pulling her into a bone crushing hug, her heart racing and her head pounding with enough force to make herself both nauseous and dizzy.

The redhead returned the hug and held onto Kate as the older woman's heartbeat began to slow back down to a regular rhythm.

It was calming her, having Alexis there, Kate had grown so attached to the teen, she loved Alexis like she was her own, and she needed to be able to hold her and be near her, she needed to be able to touch Alexis because she couldn't touch her own baby, and apparently it was freaking her maternal instincts out.

"Ahem, Miss Beckett?"

The same elderly doctor that had fist informed them of Kate's condition entered the room, clearing his throat to announce his presence.

"Its good to see you awake and alert, how is the pain?"

The doctor was approaching Kate's bed, expecting her to release the redhead in her arms and let him examine her, make sure everything was ok.

Kate did neither, tightening her arms around Alexis to hold her there.

Rick could see Kate was battling with something, there was some internal struggle going on that he couldn't hope to understand. He stood from his seat beside her bed and moved to hover over his women, trying to get a look at Kate's face.

Her eyes were screwed shut, but he could see the tears leaking out of the corners. And while her head had been the most severely injured, he was fairly certain that her shoulders and ribs had been hurt as well, not to mention the pain she must have in her neck after coming down so hard on her head.

Her whole body should be immobile, frozen with pain, and yet there she was, sitting up in bed and holding onto his daughter like her life depended on it.

"Kate? Kate what's the matter? Kate please talk to me, don't shut me out."

He didn't even care that his voice was cracking and that he sounded beyond desperate, because he was, he desperately needed to know if their baby was ok, as he was sure Kate did. But in order to find out, Kate needed to let go of Alexis.

He gently laid his hand on her arm, eyes trained on her face, watching for any reaction. Almost as soon as his palm came in contact with her skin, her muscles visibly relaxed, her body shuddering slightly as if just suddenly becoming aware of its injuries.

As Kate's grip loosened, Alexis pulled back slightly, but sensing that the older woman needed her close, she grabbed one of Kate's hands in her own and crawled up onto the bed beside the brunette.

Rick laced his fingers with those on Kate's other hand as she cleared her throat to speak, her voice still thick with the tears that had started to fall.

"Pr – pregnant. I'm pregnant, I'm –"

She was still unable to form full sentences, her mind was still too jumbled, but she was getting there. Things were starting to make sense to her now, the mixture of pain, and having Alexis and Rick within touching distance, was keeping her grounded, keeping her calm, giving her something real to focus on besides the endless possibilities currently torturing her confused mind.

"Ah, right, do you know how far along you are?"

The doctor began flipping through the papers on his clipboard, as he walked over towards the door.

Once glance in Kate's direction told Rick she either didn't know or couldn't answer him, so he replied instead.

"No, our first appointment is tomorrow, we don't know."

The doctor smiled, nodding his head before poking his head out of the doorway

"Can I please have an ultrasound in here."

Rick heard the doctor calling out to one of the nurses outside the room. He turned his attention back on Kate, trying to gauge how she was, without having to ask her.

She looked pale, and more worried and anxious than Rick had ever seen her. She had let go of Alexis's hand momentarily when the doctor was talking, but only to hook her arm around the girl's shoulders and pull her head to rest on her chest, over her heartbeat.

Kate's hand was absentmindedly raking through Alexis's soft red hair, stroking down her face and smoothing the long strands down. Rick could see the calming affect it was having on Kate, and his daughter looked comfortable enough, her eyes slipping shut under Kate's tender ministrations.

The doctor returned, with a white lab coat now covering his scrubs. Rick could now see the name Dr Andrews in curly font underneath the right hand pocket.

There was a young nurse; she looked to be in her early to mid twenties, following Dr Andrews, towing a large machine, with a monitor attached to it, behind her.

"We are just going to take a quick look, make sure everything is going ok. If the young lady would mind hopping off the bed for a short moment, we can get started."

Dr Andrews was pulling a pair of white latex gloves over his hands, they reminded Kate of the purple gloves she was so used to wearing when handling evidence at crime scenes, that thought did not instil any positive scenarios in Kate's mind.

It was clear Kate had not fully registered Dr Andrew's words. As she felt Alexis begin to slip off the bed, she tightened her hand in the girl's hair, keeping her head anchored to Kate's chest.

Alexis could feel Kate's heartbeat starting to pick up pace, and her breathing, which had been regularly blowing against the top of her head, was getting shallow and erratic.

To her credit, Alexis was doing a pretty good job of handling a clingy Kate. Her own mother had never been overly affectionate, and her dad had not smothered her for a while. It was strange for her to see such a vulnerable, scared version of the strong independent Detective, but she couldn't help but feel thrilled that Kate loved and trusted her enough to let the girl not only see her at her worst, but also be there for her and help her through it.

"Kate I won't leave, I'm staying right here ok? I'll stand right here."

If it had been anyone else and at any other moment, Kate would have rolled her eyes and gritted her teeth at being patronized, but as it was, she nodded her head meekly and released her hold on Alexis's hair, allowing her to slip off the bed and stand straight back up, her hand once again tightly gripping Kate's.

Rick watched the exchange with pride leaking out of every pore, he was immensely proud of both his daughter and Kate. Alexis for knowing how to help Kate, and taking it all in her stride, and Kate for letting Alexis in, for letting her help. The two most important women in his life were being there for each other in a way he never could, he is so incredibly thankful that he has them both, that they have each other.

"Okay, we just need to put some of this gel on your belly and then we'll see what we have."

Dr Andrew had walked around the bed and was now standing beside Alexis, who was still standing as close as she could to Kate. The doctor pulled the hospital blanket and sheet down to Kate's mid thigh, and was almost glaring at Kate's stomach, covered as it was by the hospital gown.

Dr Andrews looked at the gown for a moment longer, trying to figure out the best way to tackle it, before he finally decided how to get around the problem. He reached behind him for the pair of scissors on the instruments tray, using them to cut a neat square of the gown away, cutting from one hip to the other, and up to just below her breasts.

Pleased with his handiwork, the doctor relinquished the sharp implement in exchange for the blue gel he had previously been holding.

"This might be a little cold, sorry."

Dr Andrews shot her an apologetic smile before squeezing a generous amount of the gel onto Kate's stomach.

Kate shuddered slightly as the cold touched her warm belly, Alexis and Rick immediately squeezed her hands, reassuring her, letting her know they were still with her.

Dr Andrews flipped a few switches on the control panel of the ultra-sound machine, before unhooking a small hand held object and pressing it into the pile of gel on Kate's stomach.

"If everything is okay, we should be able to hear a heartbeat."

Dr Andrews kept his eyes glued to the monitor, searching for something the other three in the room would not be able to recognise.

"And if not?"

Alexis was tearing up again, her voice cracking and taking on the tone of a small child.

"We will see if it comes to that."

The doctor did not take his eyes off the screen as he spoke.

They all held their breaths, no one daring to breath into the silence that had fallen over the room, none of them accepting that the silence may be all they got.

Tears were silently making their way down Kate's face as she too stared at the monitor, unable to identify any of what she was seeing, but needing to look somewhere, anywhere, but at Rick's face. She was doing all she could not to break down and curl up in a ball, she knew that if she chanced a glance at Rick's expression she would lose the sliver of control she currently had over her emotions.

She had long since lost feeling in both her hands, whether it was from her squeezing Rick and Alexis's hands or from them squeezing hers she didn't know, but she was glad to have the pressure there, sure it was the only thing keeping her in the moment, keeping her focused on the screen.

She felt Alexis shuddering beside her, another wave off tears pouring down her cheeks, her muscles tensed as she tried to mask the sobs wracking through her body. She was a smart girl, she had read as many pregnancy books as she could find in the seven days she had known Kate was expecting, she knew it wasn't supposed to take this long to find a heartbeat. As the second minute stretched into the third, she let the tears start to fall.

As the silence continued, Kate finally risked looking at Rick's face, a sob tearing up her throat as she saw the pure misery on his face, the look of sheer devastation that she could do nothing to erase. He had given up hope, the look in his eyes said it all.

As their eyes met, stormy blue and red-rimmed green, she tried to think of something, anything, that would make it better, that would bring him back to her, make him hurt less, take away the pain she knew he was feeling, its what he would do for her, she knew that.

But nothing would make it better, nothing would stop the hurt. She tightened her grip on his hand, and stared deeply into his eyes, she didn't even try to stem the flow of tears down her face as she tried to fin the words to –

She didn't complete her thought as a foreign sound shattered the deathly silence of the room.

Their baby's heartbeat filled the room, erasing everybody's fears with the sound.

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><p><strong><em>So there it is, i really am sorry about the delay, but it is my 15th birthday this weekend so hopefully i get a new laptop and can update quicker! thanks to everyone who is still with me, please please PLEASE leave me a review!:) even if it is just to complain about how bloody long it takes me to update!;) *also i am sorry if i got any medical jargon wrong, i googled some of it and just made up the rest, lemme know if its wrong or just sounds dumb:) <em>**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Alright so i dont know where you all live, but in my timezone it is still Saturday, so yay!:) hopefully i can stick to weekly updates now, but i make no promises.. i tried to make this chapter a little funny, but i realise everyones sense of humour is different, but the goal was to just make it less intense, i figured i owed you all that;) **(I dont own castle)_

_****This chapter is for Diekzfailz; Happy Birthday to us!:)****_

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><p>"Play it again dad"<p>

Alexis's voice was still tear-laden, as she snuggled further into Kate's embrace.

They had all broken down as the sound of their baby's heartbeat filled the room. Kate burst into a flood of tears, her entire body shaking so badly Dr Andrews had a hard time keeping the ultrasound in contact with her belly.

Alexis, who had been completely convinced they were not going to hear anything, cried even harder, sitting back in the seat she had occupied before Kate had woken up, but maintaining her firm grip on Kate's hand as a sound, part laughter, part tears, bubbled up her throat. Her eyes fixed themselves on the monitor, where she watched her new sibling's heart beating strong and steady on the grainy black and white screen.

Rick's reaction at hearing the sound of his newest baby's heart beating, was to tear his hand out of Kate's and stuff it, shaking with excitement, into his pocket, pulling out his phone and immediately hitting the recording app on his home screen and recording the sweet thumping sound that filled the silence.

After the doctor had taken some still shots of the image, he took the time to fill the Castle's and Kate in on the baby's progress.

"I estimate you to be about 12 weeks pregnant at this stage, the foetus has a strong and healthy heartbeat and everything is looking good. As for the sex – "

"We really don't need to discuss that now do we?"

Rick interrupted Dr Andrews on that point, finally gaining enough control over his emotions to be able to speak. He was looking intently at the doctor, his eyes flicking to his daughter.

"Dad, he means the sex of the baby, as in the gender, like if it is a girl or a boy?"

Alexis's cheeks had a turned pink as she pointedly avoided meeting Kate or Rick's eyes.

Kate too was beginning to blush at the implication of discussing their sex life in front of their daughter.

_Their daughter._

"Right, the um… gender then?"

Trying to retain some dignity, Rick focused his eyes on the doctor, ready to find out if it was a little boy or girl he and Kate would get to raise. He was beyond excited at either possibility, but he sort of hoped it was a girl for many reasons.

He wanted a little girl, with Kate's beautiful hair, and cute little nose. A little girl who would look up at him from her crib and hypnotise him completely with her beautiful green-brown eyes, the exact replica of her mothers. In short, he wanted a baby girl that looked pretty much exactly like Kate.

But then he wouldn't mind if the little girl had his eyes, or his nose, or even his hair, but he so desperately wanted her to have Kate's smile, and more importantly her laugh. A world with two smiles as unbelievably gorgeous as Kate's was definitely somewhere he wanted to live. He wanted to be able to make his little girl laugh and giggle just like Kate, be able to hear his favourite sound in the world coming from his newest little girl was his dream.

So yeah, he _really _hoped it was a girl.

"I was just going to say, that it is not possible to determine the s- uh the _gender_ until you get a little further along."

Dr Andrews told them, amusement flickering across his face.

"Oh, okay, well we don't want to know anyway, we want it to be a surprise, right Lex?"

Kate was looking expectantly up at Alexis, who was fervently nodding her head in agreement. Neither of them looking to hear Rick's opinion on the matter.

It was happening, his women were turning on him, ganging up and taking over.

"Kateeeeee!"

He was whining. He'll admit to it. He really wants to know.

"Sorry Castle, two against one."

Castle. So she was teasing him. And she had won his daughter over as well.

He was left to wonder when had the atmosphere changed, a moment ago they were clinging to each other and crying and being all girly and mushy and now they were teasing him and not letting him know the sex and deciding things with out him.

Fine. That's fine. He has something better.

Dr Andrews had turned off the ultrasound and was watching the exchange with curiosity, waiting for the family to be ready to listen to him. The room was oddly silent without the sound of the baby's heartbeat in the background.

Rick was sure the women were yet to notice the absence of that special sound, which made this all the sweeter.

"Well I have this."

And with that, Rick hit the playback button on his phone, once again filling the room with the beautiful sound of their baby's heartbeat.

Several things happened at once.

Kate and Alexis exchanges a quick glance, pausing for no more than a tenth of a second before Kate leaned forward, her hand extended as if to grab the phone from Rick, which really was not her intention at all.

Rick mistook her hand as reaching for his phone, as she thought he would, and so turned his back on Kate who, foreseeing and anticipating this response, grabbed onto his right ear, twisting it sharply.

Alexis had, in the mean time, run around Dr Andrews, who simply smiled at the family's antics, and was standing directly behind Rick, positioned so that when he turned his back to Kate in an attempt to protect his phone, he turned right into Alexis.

The pain in his ear caused Rick to squeal, very girlishly if they were being honest, and momentarily forget about his coveted phone which Alexis promptly relieved him of.

It was all over in a matter of seconds, and Rick was left with a red ear and no phone, Kate and Alexis's laughter mixing with the sound of the heartbeat still filling the room.

It was then that Rick decided he wouldn't mind one bit if the baby turned out to be a beautiful little boy, it would maybe give him an ally for when the ladies in his life inevitably turned on him again.

"That was mean."

He pouted at them, hoping to appeal to either of their sympathetic sides.

It didn't work.

Alexis rolled her eyes at him, a classic Beckett move she probably wasn't even aware she was doing, and replied.

"Shh dad, we're listening!"

And they were, the women were both staring at his phone with matching awe-struck looks on their faces, he was sure his expression resembled theirs too and he didn't mind at all.

They listened in silence all the way to the end of the recording, all of them tearing up again at hearing the sound they never thought they would get to hear.

As another wave of maternal-ness ambushed her, Kate tugged Alexis back up onto the bed where she immediately burrowed into Kate's side, rested her head over Kate's heart, unknowingly mimicking Kate and Rick's position once again.

Rick shuffled his chair closer to the bed fitting his arm in the small space between Kate's body and her free arm, wrapping his fingers around hers, being as close as he could without climbing on the bed next to her, which he desperately wanted to do.

Dr Andrews, sensing this was an intimate family moment, stood to leave the room, telling them to page him if they had any questions.

This left the three of them alone, listening to the heartbeat over and over again, never growing tired of it.

"Just play it one more time daddy"

Alexis found herself crying once again, unable to explain why, but not being the least bit ashamed about crying in from of her dad or Kate.

Kate had regained her composure and closed her eyes, allowing herself to really take stock of her injuries for the first time.

She had a splitting headache radiating out from her forehead all the way around her skull. She was also aware of an angry red mark across her collarbone, part bruise, part abrasion. It was probably from her seatbelt, but she couldn't be sure. Her neck was also beginning to stiffen, and she was sure it would be impossible to move it in the morning, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Because she was okay, her family was okay and her baby was okay, the recording being played once again per Alexis's request was a testament to that fact.

She felt herself drifting off, the weight of Alexis next to her and the pressure of Rick's arm against hers reassuring and comforting her, the sound of her baby's heartbeat lulling her to sleep.

She could have fallen asleep right then, given the day she had had and the emotional and physical strain she had endured, she _should_ have gone to sleep, but she couldn't, something was still bothering her.

"You forgot."

She was whispering, mindful of Alexis, who, unlike Kate, _had_ been able to fall asleep due to the comforting sound of both Kate's heartbeat and her little unborn sibling's.

"I know, I - I don't even know what to say Kate."

She could hear the pain in his voice, see the misery etched into his usually smiling face. He was more upset with himself than she was.

But she wasn't upset with him. She wasn't angry, she wasn't disappointed, she just -

"Rick look at me."

His eyes were trained on her hand, his thumb tracing light circles over her middle knuckle. When he finally lifted his gaze to meet hers, his stormy blue eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

"Its okay, you were worried, you weren't thinking straight, I know you, I know how you get, its ok."

She was trying to reassure him, because thats what was wrong, Rick was wrong, he was angry at himself and he shouldn't be, he just shouldn't.

"Kate what if something had happened? What if something had gone wrong because i didn't say anything. Kate if anything happened to this baby i would never forgive myself."

He was trying to make her see how much he loved this baby, already, it hadn't even been born yet and he was already completely in love with it, just listening to its heart beat and knowing it was in there was incredible and she needed to know that, she needed to know how much this baby meant to him; how much she meant to him.

"I love you Kate, and I love this baby, I just - I couldn't think about anything but you, always you, and when you're hurt it hurts me too and it makes it hard to think, hell it makes it hard to breathe. I just, I needed you to be okay, because if you aren't, then nothing else matters."

His eyes never left hers, not when her beautiful green brown orbs started tearing up, not when his own tears spilled over, and not when hers finally began to fall. He didn't care if it was unmanly to cry, after the day he has had, he felt he was allowed to shed a fear tears, well a few _more_ tears, because yes, he had cried when he heard his little baby's heartbeat.

When Kate felt she could speak without her voice breaking, she did.

"I know Rick, I know you love us. Just don't be so hard on yourself, just let this one slide okay?"

He nodded his response and she felt the relief course through her, followed closely by exhaustion, her eyelids suddenly becoming very heavy.

He was okay, she knew him, he was probably still a little angry at himself, but less so than before, and he would move past it; she would see to that.

She reached for his phone, which was resting on her stomach, and pressed play again, the sound of their baby's heartbeat starting up once again.

"Rick, please dont go home tonight, can you stay?"

He gave her a look as if to say _yeah right, like I'm ever going to leave you alone. _Thankfully what he responded with was

"Always Kate."

Causing a smile to blossom on her tired face.

"Get some sleep Kate, I'll be hear when you wake up."

He squeezed her hand as his thumb started slowly circling her knuckle again, watching as she dropped a kiss to Alexis's head and held the girl a little bit tighter.

"Love you"

She mumbled her voice already laced with sleep.

"Love you too"

He replied without missing a beat, settling back into his chair, finding a comfortable position while maintaining his thumb's movements on her hand.

They would both have been asleep in seconds, their emotional day having worn them out completely and the rhythmic _thump-thump_ of the recording was more than enough to tip them over the edge.

They would have been asleep, if it hadn't been for the familiar shout of

"Kate!"

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><p><strong><em>And there it is:) hopefully you smiled a little, even though it did end up getting a little tense in the middle. I do have a pretty good idea of who i want it to be walking in on this scene, but if you have someone who you want to see then please drop me a review and let me know:) BC xx<em>**


	13. Chapter 13

**there are no words to describe how sorry i am for basically abandoning this story, but after the last chapter i received a few PMs telling me to basically stop writing until i had a clue what i was talking about, and that all the details in this fic are wrong. And i am sorry for taking these words to heart and for not posting, but since then i have had at least 3 encouraging reviews despite having not updated in 3 months. So here is the next chapter, and there will be more after it if you guys still want more, and even if you dont, i think i will write more anyway, but please leave a review, even if it is just to berate me for not updating. You guys are seriously the best.**

**I dont own castle. **

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><p>She is dreaming. Or in a coma. Or on some insanely strong drugs, because there is no way this is happening. No. Way.<p>

Rick stares dumbfounded at the figure in the doorway, blinking rapidly and rubbing his eyes because _seriously?! Are you freaking kidding?_

But it is, there is no mistaking those broad shoulders, that ridiculously perfect hair, and those blue surgical scrubs.

_Doctor Motorcycle Boy. _

"Josh?"

Rick is more than a little pleased to hear the distain in Kate's voice. They had never talked about the summers they spent apart in any great detail – Rick had not wanted to know the details of Kate's break up with the doctor, simply the fact that Kate realised how wrong he was for her had been enough for Rick.

It was clear from the pained look on Josh's face that the breakup had not been his idea, which Rick had guessed anyway, because if a woman like Kate Beckett wants you, no self respecting man in his right mind is going to turn her down.

He was now trying to hide a smug smile – Kate chose him over a handsome surgeon, _Writer for the win!_

"Why are you in the hospital? What happened?"

No one could have missed the accusing look Josh sent Rick as he asked after his ex girlfriend's health.

The recording had reached its end once again, the baby's heartbeat was noticeably absent in the awkward silence, punctuated only by Alexis's soft snoring.

"I uh.."

Kate was tired, exhausted in fact, and the last thing she wanted to do was navigate her way through an awkward conversation with her ex while lying in a hospital bed cuddled up with her partner-turned-lover's daughter and pregnant with said lover's child.

Too many ways she could screw up.

She had apparently been thinking too long, as the silence in the room had moved way past awkward and was down right uncomfortable.

"Josh, maybe we can talk outside, you can show me to the cafeteria?"

Rick was shooting Kate an odd look, his eyes flicking between her and his daughter on the bed, containing a mixture of worry and panic.

She couldn't read his expression, couldn't understand what he was trying to tell her.

"I'm sure you can find it on your own. You did spend nearly an entire week here last year."

It was a low blow, bringing up Kate's shooting. The last time the three of them were together in one place. The last time Kate was in a hospital bed.

Rick rounded the bed, and walked towards Josh.

"Look, it's been a long day, Kate is tired and she needs to get some rest, so either we talk in the hall, or not at all."

Rick reached Josh just as he finished speaking. He planted his feet firmly on the ground and folded his arms across his chest, daring the doctor to refuse him.

Josh said nothing in response, but he did take a step back, putting him in the corridor outside Kate's room. He looked expectantly at Rick, waiting for the writer to follow him out.

Shooting Kate and Alexis one final worried look, Rick stepped out of the room to talk to Josh, without saying so much as a word, leaving Kate in her bed with a bewildered look on her face.

Through the thick hospital windows, she could faintly hear Josh and Rick's conversation, as well as see Rick's wild hand gestures.

With the men gone, Kate's room was much quieter, peaceful even.

Kate felt her eyes slipping shut once more, the weight of the day finally setting in, pulled her eyelids down.

She wasn't expecting the shy, tear-laden voice that spoke into her neck.

"Kate?"

Alexis barely whispered her name. If her lips hadn't been pressed against the soft skin of her neck, Kate was sure she would have missed it completely.

"I'm here Lex, what's wrong?"

She still had her arms around the girl, cradling her to her side. She wished so much that they were anywhere but in the cramped hospital bed, wished they weren't in the sterile white room that was a constant reminder of the day's events.

"It was just like that night. It was so similar and we both knew it and I have never seen dad so scared – _I_ have never been so scared! It just – "

The redhead broke off, choking on the emotions she was so desperately trying to get a hold of.

Kate could feel her own tears beginning to form. This was ridiculous. She never cried! She was strong and she had always been able to control her emotions, but there was something about being a part of the Castle family that got to her, made her _feel_ more than usual.

But even being a part of the family didn't help sometimes. Like now; Kate had no idea which tangent the girl's mind had gone off on, and while she was trying desperately to catch up, she could still hear Castle and Josh's muffled voices through the glass and her own heart monitor beeping beside her bed and Alexis shaking in her arms from the effort of trying to control herself and it was all too much. She couldn't think straight.

"What was the same Lex? Talk to me."

She rubbed comforting circles on the girl's back until it seemed like she had her breathing under control. In truth, Alexis was weighing up her options, unsure of how to finish the conversation she had not intended to start.

"You don't like to talk about it, and I hate making you, so I just – we never do, I never want to bring it up – but dad and now – "

She was rambling, she always did this. Anytime it didn't count, she was a perfectly eloquent, well-spoken 19-year-old high school graduate. But when it was something important, like having a decent conversation with her kind-of-mom, Kate, she became a rambling little child.

"Lex just slow down and take a breath. You can talk to me about anything, okay?"

Kate was trying to sound reassuring, but she was frantically wracking her brains, trying to work out what could be worrying Alexis so much that she felt she couldn't talk about it.

"We were at the restaurant,"

Alexis began softly whispering to Kate,

"It was just me and dad, and we waited for you for ages."

Kate felt guilty; she had actually been running late before the accident. She made them wait, made them worry.

"Lex-"

She tried to interject, apologise, but the redhead was moving on,

"And we waited and waited and we tried to call but you wouldn't pick up, and then we thought maybe you'd gotten sucked into a case and forgot or lost track of time so we went home, and there was a detective waiting at the door and –"

She broke off, needing to take a breath, fighting to overcome the tears that once again threatened to spill over.

But she didn't need to go on. Kate had caught up; she imagined it playing out, what they must have thought coming home to a detective on their doorstep. But she wasn't really imagining, more like remembering, because it had been her once, she knew what it was like.

She knew the feeling of cold dread at seeing a detective at the door, the realisation as to why they were there; all of it. She had been there, she had lived through it, and she would not wish that experience on her worst enemy, let alone the people she loved above all else.

"Shh Lex, its okay, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry that you had to go through that, I'm sorry that it scared you so much, but I'm here, and I'm okay, we're okay, we're gonna be just fine Lex"

She knew she couldn't make it better. Kate of all people knew that. She knew there was nothing that could be said or done to ease the fear of losing a loved one. She couldn't even promise Alexis that it would never happen, that she would always come home no matter what, because nothing was guaranteed, and in her line of work especially, she couldn't know for certain that she was always going to make it back.

But while she couldn't take it away or make it better, she could at least hold the girl while she cried it out, she could be the rock that she herself had needed as a young grief stricken teen. She could help Alexis get passed the almost-trauma she had just experienced, because it was something she had been forced to do herself, it was something that, after a few years in therapy and countless years down a rabbit hole, she knew how to do.

So she held onto the crying teen like both their lives depended on it. And when she heard the voices outside the window stop, she still didn't let go.

When Alexis didn't reply, Kate assumed the teen had fallen asleep again, her arm still wrapped protectively around Kate's middle. The older woman could not help but smile at this, the fierce way the young girl loved and protected those closest to her.

While she was still exhausted, Kate was determined to keep her eyes open until Rick came back. She had a feeling he would want to talk about things.

She was proven right when he entered the room, eyes wearily regarding the tear stains on Kate's hospital gown as well as the obvious tear marks on both her and Alexis's faces.

"Hey"

He tried and partly succeeded in giving her a smile. But it didn't quite reach his eyes and she noticed, she always noticed.

"Hey"

She waited him out; let him decide if he wanted to talk it out or not. Whatever he needed this time.

"I didn't know how to help her, so I thought maybe you could…"

He gestured to his daughter, now sound asleep beside Kate, but he didn't keep talking, didn't say what she knew he wanted to.

She should have realised that he wouldn't bring it up, he was very careful about her mom's case, given the problems it had caused early on in their relationship. So it would have to be her who started it.

"Rick, I'm sorry, I know how it must have looked tonight, you and Alexis waiting, me not showing up, not answering my phone, the detective… I know you, and I know it freaked you out more than you want me to know, but please talk to me, tell me what I can do, how I can help _you_..."

She wasn't good with words. Words were his thing, he was the one who always knew what to say, not her. But she was trying; she would always try for him.

"It just felt so familiar, but I didn't realise until we saw the detective, and I just – I can't lose you Kate, especially not now, not after everything we have made it through. And to see it affecting Alexis as well was just…"

He trailed off, eyes watering slightly at the memory, those few moments when he was certain he had lost her.

"I didn't mean to forget about the baby Kate, and I will never forgive myself for that, but just the thought of losing you alone was almost too much to handle!"

He stopped talking, weary of digging himself into a hole. Watching her watch him, waiting for her to speak.

"What can I do? How can I make it better Rick? What do you need me to do?"

She was at a loss, he had always been there for her, holding her up, keeping her steady, whatever she needed. He was the strong, unwavering presence by her side and she knew she needed to be that for him now, but she didn't know how.

"Just don't leave me. I'm not asking you to promise you'll be home every night – I know you Kate Beckett, I know you don't make promises you cant keep – but promise me you will do everything in your power to come back to us. Okay? Just promise me that."

He was making her cry with his beautiful words and the way he knew her and read her mind. She loved him even more for the way he motioned between himself, Alexis and her belly when he said "us" connecting them all, making them family, making them home.

"I promise Rick, always."

That was all he needed to hear. She saw his shoulders visibly release the tension they had previously held, and his eyelids droop slightly.

"Sleep Rick, we'll still be here in the morning."

She reached her hand out to him, being mindful of Alexis still cradled at her side. Linking her fingers with his, she finally let herself give in to the demands of her body. Allowing her eyes to slide firmly shut.

She held Rick and Alexis a little bit closer because she had never ever wanted them to know what it was like to lose someone they loved, not like she did. She thought of her and Rick's baby, and made a silent promise to it that she would always make it home, no matter what. She knew it was impossible and she couldn't promise that when she had very little control over it, but she didn't want her child to know the pain she'd known, the pain Rick and Alexis had almost had to discover.

She held her family tighter, because while they hadn't actually lost her today, for just a moment too long, they thought they had.

She knew she was going to have to talk to Rick some more, when they were both more emotionally stable. And she was certain that Alexis would have more to say when she woke up. But for the time being, Kate let herself drift off, with no ex-boyfriends to come barging in to disturb her and her family while they slept.

They would deal with tomorrow when it came, for now they were all together and that was enough for Kate.

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><p><strong>i know i really dont deserve it but review?<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**_I am so sorry for abandoning this fic for so long! I lost two of my best friends at the start of last year and could not sit down and write this fic without it ending in a major character death, which is not how i imagine you all want it to end. If anyone is still interested, i am going to finish this fic in the next couple of weeks, not sure if anyone still wants to know how it goes, but im going to write it anyway. _**

**_For D. _**

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><p><em>Previously:<em>

_She knew she was going to have to talk to Rick some more, when they were both more emotionally stable. And she was certain that Alexis would have more to say when she woke up. But for the time being, Kate let herself drift off, with no ex-boyfriends to come barging in to disturb her and her family while they slept._

_They would deal with tomorrow when it came, for now they were all together and that was enough for Kate._

She could feel his eyes on her, watching her. She really should be used to it by now; after three years of being on the receiving end of his stare it should feel normal, but it didn't.

While his stare had been annoying two years ago, had made her feel nervous and under constant scrutiny, now it made her feel loved, safe, like someone was watching out for her.

She resented that in a way; Kate Beckett did not need someone watching over her to make her feel safe. She carried a Glock, that used to be enough for her.

She kept her eyes closed, not quite ready to face him, to face the concern and guilt she knew she would find in his deep blue eyes.

She was being a coward.

She was hormonal and injured - that was her excuse.

Kate used her other senses to tell her what her eyes couldn't for the time being.

She was at hospital, Rick was on one side of her, still sitting in the same plastic chair he had fallen asleep in next to her bed, and Alexis was still lying on Kate's other side, her red hair tickling Kate's chin as the teen rested her head over Kate's heart, still fast asleep.

She heard Rick shift in the plastic chair and took pity on him.

She squeezed his hand to get his attention as she opened her eyes.

"Hey"

Her voice sounded slightly better than it had the night before, albeit a little scratchy from all the tears she had recently shed.

"Hey yourself, how are you feeling?"

His voice sounded no worse for wear, Kate closed her eyes and just let his voice wash over her, soothe her as it always did.

"Better, head hurts like hell but I suppose that was inevitable"

She gave him a shy smile, her eyes looking straight into his trying to show him everything she couldn't say just yet.

_"I'm still here, I'm trying to be better"_

Rick hated that she shut down, shut him out when she dealt with things. Its how she'd always been, how she assumed she would always _have to _be.

So now she was trying her level best to be more open with him, to stop putting up those damn walls that kept her safe, kept her strong, because it wasn't just her anymore, she wasn't alone, and those walls of hers beginning to shut her in instead of shutting him out.

The fortress she had built to protect herself had become the prison that held her captive.

"Kate.."

He trailed off, not quite sure how to begin.

There was that look in his eyes, the one she had expected, part guilt and self loathing, part concern, and something that looked a lot like desperate fear.

She let go of the hand she was still holding and reached up to stroke the side of his face, smiling slightly as she felt him relax into her, lean into her touch and sigh.

"We're okay Rick, we're fine, we're all gonna be just fine."

He huffed a laugh, here she was injured and in a hospital bed no less, and yet she still felt the need to be comforting him.

She looked like she wanted to say something more, but Dr. Andrews chose that moment to walk through the doorway.

"How are we all doing today?"

The good doctor looked tired, like he had worked through the night.

Kate shifted in her bed, trying to bring herself into a sitting position, the arm around Alexis tightening unconsciously.

"Fine, better actually, my head hurts a bit but I haven't thrown up or anything"

She wanted out, she hated hospitals and Rick knew it. He also knew that she loved the baby inside her more than anything and if the doctor said she needed to stay for the baby's sake then Kate would do so without a fight.

Dr. Andrews picked up the chart from the foot of her bed, flipping through the pages.

"It seems very unlikely that you have suffered any permanent damage, and being a cop, I'm sure you know the sign and symptoms to look out for, that being said, I don't see why you can't be on your way this afternoon"

He smiled at the couple as he returned Kate's chart to its spot on the bed.

"Wait I can go home?"

She didn't want to get her hopes up, but Kate desperately wanted to be home, back in her own space.

Dr. Andrews nodded.

"You can go home, provided you come straight back if you begin experiencing any symptoms of concussion."

Relief immediately flooded Kate's system, she carded her free hand through Alexis's hair, trying to gently wake the teen.

"Lex, wakeup honey. Lex? We can go home now"

She dropped a kiss to the girl's forehead as she felt her start to slowly wake up.

"Mmm what?"

It was clear the young redhead had slept deeply, which wasn't a surprise given the emotionally taxing night she had had.

Rick decided to give his girls some time alone, still mildly surprised at how completely they had accepted each other as mother and daughter.

"I'm gonna call Lanie and the boys, they said they might stop by later today, I'll tell 'em to just come by the loft this afternoon?"

"That sounds perfect, could you also let my dad know I'm getting out? I know he'll be relieved"

Rick nodded his head, already walking towards the door.

The room stayed silent for a few minutes after Rick left, neither woman had anything to say just yet.

Kate couldn't take it anymore, after around three minutes of comfortable silence, she spoke.

"What're you thinking about?"

Her voice was not much above a whisper but she knew Alexis had heard it.

"Just wondering what it will be like.. Being a big sister."

The teens arm had been draped over Kate's stomach as they'd slept, and she pulled it back so that her hand rested over Kate's lower belly, right where the baby would be.

"When I was little, all I wanted was a baby brother or sister, someone to play with and look after.. But I had dad, and he was kind of like a kid, and he played with me all the time, so after a while I stopped needing a playmate, I kind of liked that it was just me and dad."

Kate stayed silent, not sure where the teen was going, but wanting to let her get it all out.

Alexis continued as Kate's hand fed through her red hair, calming her like she always imagined a mother would

"I wanted a mother too, not a mother actually, _my _mother. I used to wish that she'd come back and cry and say she loved me more than her job and she was sorry she'd every left, that I did matter to her"

The teen was starting to get worked up, her hands clenching into fists as she fought for control over her emotions. Kate, however, remained completely calm, knowing the girl needed to work through whatever feelings she had kept buried since her childhood.

"I wanted a mom and a baby sibling when I was little, and now I'm finally about to get both, but im so scared they're going to get taken away from me, that _you _are going to get taken away"

Kate could feel tears soaking into her hospital gown, but for the first time in the last 24 hours, her own eyes were dry. She could do this, she could be strong for the young woman who shouldn't have to be just yet.

"Lex, you know I cant promise that nothing will happen to me, or to the baby, but I can promise that I am going to protect your sibling with everything in me, and for the time being, that means keeping myself safe"

It was the best she could do, Kate wasn't about to make false promises to the girl who had just started to think of Kate as the mother figure she'd always wanted.

They fell quiet after that, each woman thinking about the baby they didn't even know yet but already loved wholeheartedly.

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><p>"No hang on - I can do it - gahh"<p>

Kate rolled her eyes at her partner, who had insisted he could carry absolutely everything and unlock the door at the same time.

"Castle you are going to drop something, let me get the door!"

She shot Alexis an amused look, which the teen returned, fighting back a giggle.

"No no, the doctor said no strenuous activity. I can manage"

Rick had made them stop at the organic grocery store on the way back to the loft so that they could get some fruit and vegetables, the healthy sort of food the doctor suggested Kate eat.

The man was now trying to balance three bags of fruit and veg, a pharmacy bag containing prenatal vitamins, a bag of normal shopping with snacks for when Lanie and the boys came over, and of course, Kate's own bag of clothes, which he had thankfully brought to the hospital before she was released so that she could change into something less revealing than a hospital gown.

On top of this, he was adamant that he could open the door as well.

"Dad, let me do it"

His daughter let out an exasperated sigh and stepped forward, hoping he would accept her help as she wasn't injured.

Thankfully he did allow Alexis to help him, and they entered the loft not long after.

Kate was barely over the threshold, when the colourful whirlwind that is Martha blew through and hustled her over to the sofa.

"Darling! Oh I'm so glad to see you all in one piece! I would have come and seen you but I was in an acting class you see, and by the time I got the message Richard had called to tell me you were coming home! How are you feeling dear?"

Martha finally paused to take a breath, looking at Kate expectantly.

"Martha! I'm fine, just a bit sore,"

Kate gestured to the white bandage that still adorned her head, smiling slightly.

They had not told anyone about the pregnancy, deciding on the way back from the hospital that they would tell everyone together, their whole crazy family.

"Well I am relieved to hear that! Now sit, put your feet up and relax, let Richard take good care of you hmm?"

After gently pushing Kate into the soft sofa cushions, she made her way back to the kitchen, where Rick and Alexis were putting the groceries away.

"Mother"

Rick greeted Martha with a kiss on the cheek as she passed him.

"Are you leaving?"

Rick shot Kate a panicked look across the room, he needed his mother to stay put for now.

"Mother,you're welcome to stay, Lanie, Esposito, Kevin, Jenny and Kate's dad are on their way over to check up on Kate and have a drink,"

He looked at Martha hopefully, she had to be here.

The three of them had decided on their way back from the hospital that the would tell everyone about the new baby when they came to the loft, but they needed the whole family to be present, including Martha.

"Oh I don't see why not, I have nowhere important to be"

His mother glided off towards the bar, saying something about mixing cocktails.

Kate stood from her seat and walked towards Rick in the kitchen, checking her father's watch.

"We've got about twenty minutes, not too late to change your mind"

He didn't have to ask what she was talking about, it was still so new and exciting, the prospect of having a baby with Kate, and a part of him wanted to shout it from the rooftops, tell everyone that she was carrying his child, but a smaller part, wanted to keep the news just between them, their little family, their little secret.

"No you were right, they are our family, they need to know"

He smiled at her reassuringly, letting her know just how excited he was to be telling everyone that mattered.

She helped Rick and Alexis put away the rest of the groceries, despite his protests. She occasionally bumped hips with the young woman, giving her a shy smile and placing items in the cupboard.

They were still getting used to this, Alexis and Kate, they weren't quite used to being so close, having the relationship neither had dared to dream about; that of mother and daughter.

Kate knew that there would be times when their personalities clashed, when Alexis would do something that Kate would disagree with, they were both so strong willed it was inevitable.

Kate and her own mother had been the same, they had been very close, but when they disagreed, it was like World War Three, neither of them willing to admit defeat, both of them too stubborn to see that they could be wrong.

A knock on the door pulled Kate from her musings, she closed the cupboard she'd been staring into for the past few minutes and turned to face the door.

Alexis was setting out bowls of chips and other snacks on the table in the lounge, and Rick had his hands full trying to carry all the glasses to the table, leaving Kate to get the door.

She pulled the door open to find Lanie and Esposito on the other side of it.

"Well you look better, nice to see you awake and not covered in blood"

Javier tried to make light of the situation, but Kate could see in her eyes just how worried he had been.

"I feel better"

She grinned at the pair, stepping back to allow first Lanie and then Javi to walk past her.

As the male detective moved towards the kitchen, she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Thank you Javi, for riding with me and making sure Castle got to the hospital okay, I owe you one"

The latino smiled at her.

"No problem chica, like I said; I'm just glad to see you're okay"

She squeezed his arm once more before letting her hand drop as Javi followed Lanie into the loft.

Kate followed behind them, only to be stopped by a second knock on the door.

She opened the door to reveal her father and both Jenny and Kevin.

"Katie"

Her father greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and a one armed hug, stepping back to brush his hand lightly over her bandaged head.

"You gave us all quite a scare"

Kate ducked her head slightly in acknowledgement, moving back to allow her father entry.

"I'm just glad to see you're okay Katie"

her father kissed her once more on her injured head before moving to say hello to Alexis, he had developed quite a soft spot for the girl.

"Beckett, its good to see you"

Ryan surprised her by giving her a quick hug, pulling back with very red ears.

She gave him an easy smile.

"Good to see you too Kev, and you Jenny"

She greeted them both and closed the door behind her.

She walked back into the kitchen, smiling as she watched her family interact with each other, her hand drifting to her stomach absent-mindedly as she imagined them all together in the future, plus one extra little person.

Castle was pouring champagne into the expensive glasses he had set out on the table everyone was standing around.

"Yo Castle, what's the occasion man?"

Esposito fixed the writer with a suspicious look, his eyes narrowing.

"We're drinking to everyone's good health"

The writer's smooth reply seemed to placate the detective momentarily.

Kate moved to Rick's side and began passing out the champagne to her family, handing her dad the special non-alcoholic apple cider Kate had bought specifically for the two of them.

Rick poured Kate a glass of non-alcoholic champagne, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the ever-observant Irish detective.

"You on some weird pain med's Beckett?"

All eyes turned to Kate when she replied.

"Nope, no pain meds, the doc just said rest and Tylenol should do the trick"

She smiled at the confused look on Ryan's face and felt Rick's arm snake its way around her waist.

She waited for the question she knew was coming.

"There a reason you aren't drinking the good stuff?"

Esposito was suspicious once again and it took all of Kate's restraint not to laugh at the look on their faces as they tried to puzzle it out.

Taking Alexis's hand in her own and leaning into Rick's strong body, Kate took a breath.

She was suddenly nervous to tell them. Looking at their curious faces, she was suddenly terrified to know what they thought, to let them all into the little bubble that the secret had created around the three of them.

She stood up straighter and squared her shoulders, looking each of them in the eye, Martha, Javi, Lanie, Kevin, Jenny, and finally her dad, she saw the hope in his eye and the hint of a smile on his face.

Her own face cracked into an enormous grin as she cleared her throat and spoke the words she still couldn't believe were true.

"I'm uh, pregnant, we're having a baby!"

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><p><strong><em>So there is it, the next chapter will be everyone's reaction to the news, let me know if you have any strong feelings about how anyone is going to react or if you see any errors in this chapter. I am not sure if it flows well with the rest of the story, so let me know what you think. All mistakes are my own and im not a doctor, just making up the medical stuff. Thank you to those who are still with me 3 BC xo<em>**


	15. Chapter 15

_**Alrighty, as expected, not a great response to the last chapter.. but as promised, i'm going to finish it regardless! So this could possibly be the end of this fic, in which case i will pick it up at a later date and write a sequel on the pregnancy and birth of the baby. Or i could just keep going with this one, I'm happy for either one, just drop me a review and lemme know what you think! -BC x**_

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><p>For a moment, no one said anything.<p>

Rick and Alexis wore matching grins on their faces and Kate's smile only grew wider as the shock registered on the faces of her family.

Lanie was the first to speak.

"Girl I knew it! Oh we are finally getting those little Castle babies you always wanted!"

The M.E. winked at her friend as the tips of the detective's ears went bright pink.

Castle made no comment, except to cast a knowing glance at his girlfriend.

"Wait is this for real? You guys ain't playin' with me right now?"

Esposito had his arms folded across his chest, his muscles flexed and bulging, his eyes narrowing on Castle.

"Uh yeah, great huh?"

Castle shifted nervously as Ryan took up the same stance as his partner, both of them sharing a look before turning their hard gazes on the writer.

Kate watched the exchange with a hand over her mouth, trying her best not to laugh as her boys tried to intimidate the man that knocked up their sister.

Jim Beckett had eyes only for his daughter.

They say that pregnant women have a glow about them, as far as he was concerned, it was the happiness that was radiating from his daughter that made her seem even more gorgeous than usual.

Jim caught Kate's eye and then tilted his head towards Javi and Kevin, raising his eyebrows as he did.

Kate understood his question and gave an imperceptible nod, smiling warmly at her dad.

Jim walked over to the detectives, who were taking great pleasure in intimidating the writer before them.

Clearing his throat, he joined the men, folding his arms over his chest and falling in beside them.

"So.. When is the wedding?"

Rick's eyes grew impossibly wider as he looked to Kate with a deer-in-the-headlights expression.

"Wedding?"

The usually eloquent word-smith could only repeat.

"Surely you don't plan on having a baby before you're married?"

Rick searched the older Beckett's face but was met with an emotionless mask not unlike Kate's 'Cop Face'.

It wasn't that he hadn't thought about marrying Kate - it was all he thought about some days.

But it had taken them a while to get to where they were, and they were in a very good place at the moment, he didn't want to scare her away.

His thoughts drifted to his sock draw, that pair of christmas socks Alexis had given him as a joke a couple of years ago. They were Santa themed, complete with jingling bells on the top of each one. He had only worn them for half a day before the incessant jingling drove him mad, and they had been in the draw ever since.

These socks had become home to an expensive, but tasteful, ring only six month ago.

Castle gulped audibly as his thoughts returned to the present and he realised that all eyes were on him.

His eyes darted back and fourth between Jim's frightening gaze and Kate's amused one.

Ryan and Esposito smirked at each other.

"Uh well - I um - We -"

Watching Castle struggle to complete a full sentence, Jim finally took pity on the man.

His face broke into a wide grin and he moved towards the writer.

"I'm only joking son, congratulations."

He patted Castle on the shoulder affectionately, before moving to wrap his daughter in a bear hug.

"Your mom would be so proud of you Katie"

The whispered words were for Kate alone and she felt herself tear up at hearing them.

"Thanks dad"

Her voice thick with emotion, she hugged her dad tightly, seeking comfort in his strong arms.

Javier and Kevin walked towards Castle, smiling at him reassuringly.

"Congrats bro"

Esposito was the first to speak, slapping Castle on the arm in a brotherly fashion.

"Yeah thats really great news man!"

Kevin moved to Castle's other side, slapping him on the back.

Castle winced as both detectives hit him a little bit harder than was strictly necessary.

"Thanks guys, we are pretty happy"

His face finally broke into a smile, the last of his fear draining away.

He could hear Lanie talking a mile a minute, telling his girlfriend that they would have to go shopping for maternity wear and for baby clothes and furniture and asking Kate who her doctor was because she had a friend from Med School who is very good.

Kate listened to Lanie, nodding where she was supposed to and answering the questions she was asked.

The Medical Examiner spun on the spot, her arms flailing around as she pointed out all the sharp edges and other hazards that would need to be taken care of.

Rick watched as Kate shared a look with Alexis, raising her eyebrow at the girl before rolling her eyes and nodding her head at Lanie, who had kept talking despite the fact that the women had long since stopped paying attention.

Alexis giggled at Kate's antics and the older woman wrapped her arm around the teen's waist before the two followed their sassy friend over to the couch.

Javier and Kevin were talking to Jim, no doubt thinking up another way to scare the living daylights out of Rick.

Castle looked around and spotted his mother, standing slightly apart from the rest of them, watching on with an amused smile.

Rick walked over until he was standing beside his mother, bumping her shoulder with his own.

"Mother"

A small part of him was looking for her approval. He knew she hadn't liked Meredith, hadn't like how he had married her when she fell pregnant.

He hoped she would see this was different, that _Kate_ was different.

Martha turned and looked at him, her boy.

"Oh Richard"

She was smiling at him, her hand rising to rest against his cheek.

She turned back to look at the rest of their family; the girls sitting and talking on the couch, the boys standing in the kitchen now, helping themselves to snacks and drinks.

Her arm coming up around his waist, Martha leaned into her son's side.

"She's going to make an incredible mother"

Rick nodded his agreement. His eyes only for Kate.

As if she could feel him looking, she looked up at him, her eyes lighting up as they caught his.

"Yeah"

He breathed out the word before clearing his throat and continuing.

"She is going to be spectacular"

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><p><em><strong>So there it is. like I said, it could end there or i could keep it going, pleaseeeee leave me a review so i know either way! I am also working on a story for the ABC show 'The Fosters' so if anyone is into it, please check it out! <strong>_

_**A huge thank you to every one who stuck with this story! I have loved each and every one of your reviews and comments :) :* 3**_


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